I have a hard time communicating with you lately, so I am going to attempt to tell you how I feel about our situation right now. I remember us both agreeing that no matter what happened with us we did not want to be malicious or mean to each other. I believe I have tried to stick by that and have not done anything to make your life any more difficult right now. I wanted you to stay in the house with the babies (dogs). I wanted you to have company and do whatever you need to do right now. You are free to go where you want with whoever you want at any time. You can have anyone over to the house at any time and do as you please. All I am asking for is the same courtesy. You think that I am free to do what I want but I am not. You keep saying that I can go to acro or gym or whatever I want but I cant. I cant because I refuse to do anything mean-spirited to anyone. I am not that kind of person. You have put me in a difficult situation where it is very hard to enjoy anything in my life. This is why I feel like you and the military are controlling my life. You say you know me so well. You should know that I cannot handle the thought of not being in control of my own life. It makes me feel desperate, like I need to do whatever I can to get control over my life again. I am at a breaking point, Rysinman. This is why I need you to make a decision. I cant live like this. It is literally driving me crazy to feel like I am not in control of my own life. I do not want to make any rash decisions or make any major decisions too soon, but I feel so desperate that it feels like my only option. I want to have the time to try and talk with you when we both calm down. But I cant calm down until I know what your decision is with the no contact order. I know that you have it in your mind your own reason why you think I am asking you for a decision, but the truth is what I have explained above. I need to feel in control of my life and I am at a breaking point. Please tell me what you have decided to do.
This is the email that i received today and i am kinda at a loss. Some of it comes across as sincere but then i know that she has been trying to get me to remove this NC on OM, and she has tried many different approaches from threatening D to trying to insult me to make me angry, to saying in order to work on our marriage i need to let her get clarity and she can only do this with the NC gone. So it comes across as manipulative to me. what do you all think.
