I think the more important part to have W focus is on the maturation stages of love in a marriage. PEAs is only one part. It does not help you and W move forward.
Isn't your MC working on a solution-based approach in getting you two to recognize that the early phases of a marriage is one of lust and excitement because it was all new and exciting. Then life happens: kids, mortgage, etc.
To me, I am chiding the MC in a way for not really pointing out the obvious when it comes to mature love and working on nurturing the marital throughout the course of the M.
In my mind, I do think you two need to draw up a plan to find your way back to the M. Especially for W to realize that all marriages go through ups and downs. Marriage and conflict does go hand-in-hand.
As for the "sundown syndrome" in your M, I'd make notations in a solutions journal, for say, 2 to 3 weeks. This way, you'll be able to see some clear patterns and figure a way out of them with the help and guidance from the MC. The cycle needs to be broken some way.
Does the MC give you and W homework assignments?
It was just unusual for W to want to read something factual...her normal way is to feel her way through everything. Objective knowledge in the past has been seen as "manipulative" or interfering with her "clarity".
The MC does give us homework. It started with active listening exercises and communication skills. We're supposed to have a date night once a week. We've been working through a book about surviving affairs.
To be honest, I'm a little frustrated with the MC. Strangely enough, I'm not sure we're not spending too much time on the A. The A certainly didn't help things, but it's not the root cause of our problems. We'll see how the next few sessions play out. To be fair, we've had a couple of sessions cancelled because of bad weather and scheduling issues, so we're a little behind where we should be. The MC did say that we're going to start working on these things here in the near future
1. Lessons to takeaway from the A 2. Forgiveness - my forgiveness of her the A, and her forgiveness of me for my mistakes, and my parents for what they did. I think that the resentment she's carrying for my parents is making it harder for her to connect with me.
I think we both recognize that the lust phase doesn't last in even a healthy relationship. She insists that it's bigger than that...that she doesn't feel connected or attracted to me and she wonders if it's too broken.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
