Seperated, she is with someone - I'm desperate (2)

[vdubber]

Thanks Sandi. Yes no more typing up emails or texts for fear of hitting send. I will be writing a letter this week and will save i and not send it to her. I just need to get some things out as part of my healing process.

On a brighter note I have my little ones tonight. Picked them up from daycare and my D7 gave me the biggest hug and a couple smiles tonight that just melt my heart. S9 is a bit too cool but gave me a hug and told me he loves me and missed me.

It is a bit depressing to me that they seem so used to this back and forth process...although last visit D7 did cry and tell me she wished we all lived together. I guess I should be happy they seem adjusted, at the same time it is sad as it shows how long it's been and feels like it may always be.

I spent quite some time tonight reading all the recent posts in others threads. I am somewhat obsessed with understanding others stories, the phase they are in, and the advice they are given. Some of it I know doesn't apply to my situation based on the length of time we've been apart and our lack of communication except for kid related topics. Others I see similarities and some are encouraging to me while others make me feel she may be too far
gone to ever want a R with me again. She's not wishy washy and she's stubborn. When she decides something she doesn't usually change her mind which leaves me feeling quite hopeless sometimes. I keep hearing miracles can happen so I hold onto that...plus I'm just not ready to give up my dream of a life together.