This need not be the end.

[Barry]

I'll let you know what it's like Toots. As I say, for the last 10 days or so, I've been able to keep my emotions in check and my PMA has been high. I don't feel like I need it as much as I did 6 weeks ago. However, I know that could all change at any point so it's really about being better prepared for when that happens. I'd thought about the opportunity to meet new people too.
Let's see...I have nothing to lose from it.

Had a nice meal with S20 tonight. He's at Uni but it's only about 30 miles away so not too bad. He's training to be a teacher and is getting on really well. He's really making his way in life and has a lovely girlfriend. I'm very proud of him, of all my kids. I miss them all very much.

Looking forward to seeing D15 & S13 tomorrow for the Cinema. My D15 I see quite a lot, she comes to see me and texts me all the time. My S13 has been a different story though. He doesn't answer my calls very often, and text replies are one word. I offer to do things with him, or if he just wants to watch TV with me, that's fine too. He's not very receptive to it all though.

I did speak to him tonight and he's got a stinking cold, and I think he's a bit worried about the meeting with the school on the morning. He did a week there about a month ago, and it's really designed for "problem kids" who because they disrupt lessons so much in their respective schools, they all get put together. He does struggle academically though and they do get extra help, smaller class sizes etc so we'll see how it goes. It's hard for me to help him out with schoolwork or keep tabs on his progress when we're S though.

My S18 called me tonight too, so a full house . We're on opposite shifts this week so I'll see him briefly each day but will catch up properly at the weekend.

W did text me tonight just saying "Hi am I just taking S13 tomorrow or are you coming too". I just said "Hi, I'm coming too, I'll meet you both there".
It's going to be a fairly brief meeting I think, and of course my S13 is my only real concern and reason for going.

It's difficult for me to see W for any reason at the moment. Although I feel like I'm detaching from the sitch a little, when I see her it stokes the fire. I have to admit that I'm a bit confused about my feelings at the moment too.

Is it common that I've actually been thinking about whether or not this IS the right thing to do? Does that mean that maybe I DONT love my W as much as I think I do?? My mind HASNT changed, I do want to R with her and that's what confuses me. Maybe it's just healthy thinking and i'm not used to it!!

I'm just wondering if everyone has similar thoughts at times?

Barry.