Susana (5) - Stay the Night

[Train]

Fwiw, I couldn't agree more with Mozza here:

Here's my blunt man perspective on it: it was not lighthearted, it was over the top. Setting up a quiz about the carrots and bok choy then texting me about it when I just go about eating lunch? Like it's that important? And you adding that you took all this time to cook something else? Gosh, give me some space. Put the cucumbers in there and move on to something important, I'm embarrassed you took this much time just to make sure I don't put a tooth in a mushy cucumber. You're certainly not playing hard to get.

I know his post may sound harsh, but I think it's spot-on. Especially about the smothering-mother over the vegetables.

And Starsky is right: You bringing that up in your text to H was just ... awkward.

I just read through the last part of your last thread, susana, and now through this one. I noticed Wonka referring you to my threads and you asked about the similarities in our sitches. I think it's more that the *recommendations* to help with re-attraction are similar. And why? Because there's something we're all noticing about your H: Behind his words, it still seems he's on the fence a little and watching. My H - even though he was actively in an A - was the same way. He consistently "sniffed" around; it was clear he wasn't die-hard committed to checking-out, even though he had moved out and was SAYING he was "done" and would never return.

I think the *difference* in our sitches is that I didn't mistake "re-attracting" my H for "pursuing" or "pleasing" him. IMO, there's a HUGE difference between those two things.

I may have it all wrong, but just based on what I'm reading:

When Wonka mentioned the snacks and being light and breezy (IOW, leaving the snacks and then walking away, light and breezy, telling H to enjoy his time), it seems *you* put more emphasis on the snacks. *I* read it and put more emphasis on the *walk away light and breezy* part. THAT makes your actions more about YOU - and how YOU will feel when you walk away - than how HE is going to feel about the snacks. Make sense?

The re-attraction thing isn't an attempt to please him back into your M. It's about shining a spotlight on the AWESOME parts of you ... to give him something to think about ... while you turn around and walk away, without a care in the world about the effect that your awesomeness has on him.

It feels to me like you're trying to please him an awful lot - yes, getting awfully close to trying WAY too hard - and then it's like you're standing around (as Starsky pointed out), waiting for him not only to notice but to SAY something about it all.

I agree with the others: back way off for a bit and give H some time to breathe. Don't smother him. Don't mother him.