About the adrenaline. I think you're right and I think I didn't have my antenna up for this. STBX has a very domestic side as well. He was very happy to curl up in his sweats and watch football for the weekend, never went to bars, happy playing with his kids etc. I guess I felt that was the "real" him. And, of course, I remember him from before he was a cop and the adrenaline wasn't around, so that's my original frame of reference - but I do think it became a bigger and eventually, more essential, part of his life.
Aaaannnd... about the respect. I hope it doesn't sound like I didn't respect him or his choice of employment. My STBX is a hard worker, has always been liked by his employers, works difficult hours and with challenging subject matter and is clearly good at his job. I told him these things many times. But somehow, I just couldn't ever seem to find the right words or emphasis to satisfy the need he had. We just maybe had fundamentally different viewpoints on this.
Here's the best illustration I can give on the subject. After he started policing, I was commuting to the nearby city, when a job opportunity opened up at the county hospital that happened to be located in our little town. It was a huge and very rare opportunity to work closer to home (it gave me back 2 hours a day with my infant daughter). I wanted it very badly. When I went in to interview, STBX said "Good Luck, I told everyone at the station about it and they're all rooting for you". I responded that I wished he hadn't done that because it would be a little embarrassing if I didn't get it. I wish I could give you an accurate impression of the snotty hauteur with which he replied "They spend their time protecting people and saving lives, I hardly think they will give that much thought to what happens with your job". And that was generally his attitude. My attitude is that while I respect his work,(I really, really do) my own work is interesting, rewarding, and helps people remain healthy. Frankly, it also kept a roof over our head. It's not "less than" what he does. I don't think he feels the same way. And I'm sure my attitude colored my interactions on this topic with him. But I swear, I tried.
