Ok, I didn't think a comment about cucumber would provoke this much thought in men! I thought women were the ones who over-thought things! :P
I see what you guys are saying, I just didn't put that much thought into it. I left out the cucumber because I made myself the same lunch, and I am really picky about stuff like that. Highly doubt H would really notice or care about a limp cucumber. :P (sounds like a double entendre, lol) I wasn't trying to get him to notice I'd done something nice for him because I didn't think I had (I did it for me, he just happened to benefit!), just thought as I was making it how it was like one of those puzzles you get as a kid, "spot the difference", you know with 2 side by side pictures that are the same apart from one tiny feature.
This was only the 2nd text exchange I've initiated since the beginning of January. All other texts convos have been started by him, usually he texts me about his lunch. Of course not to the level of detail of carrots vs. soggy cucumbers.
I'll hold off texting him again.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
My comments are based on the sum-total of all of their interactions since the sex the other night, Wonka. Reading them made ME feel smothered; I can only imagine how Susan's H felt.
Just my observations; I could also be entirely wrong.
Ok, I didn't think a comment about cucumber would provoke this much thought in men! I thought women were the ones who over-thought things! :P
Didn't over-think it at all, Susana. What I gave you was my honest immediate gut reaction.
Fwiw.
Starsky
Thank you for sharing your reaction - it is really helpful to get men's reactions. I just didn't realise a cucumber could provoke so much thought is all!
I am glad you gave your gut reaction, because I did think the text was lighthearted. Please don't stop sharing! It seems I still have a lot to learn about being breezy and lighthearted.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
Here's my blunt man perspective on it: it was not lighthearted, it was over the top. Setting up a quiz about the carrots and bok choy then texting me about it when I just go about eating lunch? Like it's that important? And you adding that you took all this time to cook something else? Gosh, give me some space. Put the cucumbers in there and move on to something important, I'm embarrassed you took this much time just to make sure I don't put a tooth in a mushy cucumber. You're certainly not playing hard to get.
I know his post may sound harsh, but I think it's spot-on. Especially about the smothering-mother over the vegetables.
And Starsky is right: You bringing that up in your text to H was just ... awkward.
I just read through the last part of your last thread, susana, and now through this one. I noticed Wonka referring you to my threads and you asked about the similarities in our sitches. I think it's more that the *recommendations* to help with re-attraction are similar. And why? Because there's something we're all noticing about your H: Behind his words, it still seems he's on the fence a little and watching. My H - even though he was actively in an A - was the same way. He consistently "sniffed" around; it was clear he wasn't die-hard committed to checking-out, even though he had moved out and was SAYING he was "done" and would never return.
I think the *difference* in our sitches is that I didn't mistake "re-attracting" my H for "pursuing" or "pleasing" him. IMO, there's a HUGE difference between those two things.
I may have it all wrong, but just based on what I'm reading:
When Wonka mentioned the snacks and being light and breezy (IOW, leaving the snacks and then walking away, light and breezy, telling H to enjoy his time), it seems *you* put more emphasis on the snacks. *I* read it and put more emphasis on the *walk away light and breezy* part. THAT makes your actions more about YOU - and how YOU will feel when you walk away - than how HE is going to feel about the snacks. Make sense?
The re-attraction thing isn't an attempt to please him back into your M. It's about shining a spotlight on the AWESOME parts of you ... to give him something to think about ... while you turn around and walk away, without a care in the world about the effect that your awesomeness has on him.
It feels to me like you're trying to please him an awful lot - yes, getting awfully close to trying WAY too hard - and then it's like you're standing around (as Starsky pointed out), waiting for him not only to notice but to SAY something about it all.
I agree with the others: back way off for a bit and give H some time to breathe. Don't smother him. Don't mother him.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
Think I was just quite rude to H, but I don't really care.
He walked in just as I was about to start my spa night. I thought he'd be home in around 2.5 hours (I realise I shouldn't have assumed, but was just going by when his work dinners usually finish), and he didn't text he was on his way back.
He came in and instead of saying hi I snapped and said I was just about to start my spa night. He apologised he forgot about my spa night and retreated to the bedroom.
I was just really looking forward to having a nice relaxing evening on my own.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
