She was gone for 2 days, so I guess I didn't see this as part of the process(once I found A) but I see that it is still possible to have her be in love with me again. I need to "be a man that only a fool would leave" right? Sorry it's hard to fight the negativity some times, I need to refocus my PMA. A lot going through my head and I need to realize that this is going to take time, stick to my DB'ng and work hard on myself, GAL and get back to basics.
((hugs)) You are doing great, and I would not be this interested or concerned if I thought there was no hope in saving this M. I go back to what I said about men and women being different. Why do you think we women confuse the heck out of you guys? B/c you don't get how our minds work!
For an example, let's look at what you said about being a man only a fool would leave. It makes no difference in what your picture is of the ideal man. It matters what hers is. I guarantee you it is not a man who does all the housework and cooks all the meals and does all the parenting, or lets her have her way in everything. In fact, doing all of that would probably reduce his male attractiveness to her. Helping her with these things are great, but it's a huge mistake to do it all. Another misconception is smothering her with your attention all the time. There is a time and place, and every woman wants his attention.......to a degree. But the minute he goes too far with lavishing his attention and she feels smothered, he loses a lot of appeal for her. Being needy and clingy is a sure way to lose appeal in a healthy R.
Women love to see pure male confidence. That is the main turn-on for a lot of women (and according to many books, it is the number one attraction). Now let me tell you something about women that perhaps your W never did. We will test our men to the hilt. And if you don't stand up to us and look eyeball to eyeball..........then we take mental notes that you've lost your b@lls, and out the window goes the attraction. One of the worst things men can do in a M (except for abusiveness, laziness, neglect, etc.) is become passive. He thinks he's keeping the peace and letting the little lady have her way about things. Total misconception!!
I could go on, but the idea here is that in order to save your M, you have got to get her attraction going. She is not attracted to you b/c she has OM. So while you may feel panicky over her leaving, you should be worried she feels no attraction for you! Know what is attractive to a WW in a case like yours? You know, a man only a fool would leave? When he knows what he wants........and honey she's not it. When he has the stones to kick her to the crub b/c she's a lying cheat. Does it make her mad? Well of course it does! Does she respect it? You bet your sweet life! Will she tell you? Nope! At least not for a long time.
You see, the way we women are wired, we have to respect our H in order to feel in love with him. Go figure, but it all connects with the attraction wiring we have. We want a guy who provides for his family, who protects us, does his share, and who won't put up with a word of our BS. And if we've done him wrong by having an A, then he has to get tough, in order to work things out. Whenever you fail in any of this, we lose our respect......and your chances of are very, very slim.
That is a glimpse into what a man looks like that only a fool would leave. And note, there are some very foolish women out there.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
