Thanks for the feedback. I guess I look back at that and there's a lot to learn and it involves both of us. As you say it there, I'm very much that way with most people and friends. I actually felt that way from me sharing things with her. The issue was that she wasn't sharing things with me and I didn't pick up on it. The slow fade into her A also caused her to shutdown over the last year. We did share stuff about us (stresses, joys, etc.) but the deeper stuff all dried up on her side as my wife is a really good person and the struggle with OM and M I'm sure was wearing on her. Then the intimacy moved to him, because he was the only one that actually knew about the A itself. This lack of intimacy was not just with me, but all of her friends and family. It must have been a lonely year for her.
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Also, I was talking to someone today and realized I could summarize one of the main reasons I'm still in this and haven't 'moved on' even though she says she wants me to (this is independent of the other family, religious, still loving her, etc.)
I fear that my W is doing this based on what she has done over the last year in the marriage rather than doing this based on what she wants to become as a individual. Essentially, I fear that she feels she can't turn back and salvage our marriage.
I know I shouldn't be thinking for her, but its really how I feel and things that I think I see coming from her. She's a really fantastic and morally aligned person and she sets very high standards for herself and has always struggled to live up to them within herself (she projected this uncertainty onto me during BD.)
Additionally, it never was too bad but in the past, when she was disappointed in herself she has told me that she needs to do things to 'feel' the pain of her actions, that she feels numb if not. This was a long time ago we had that conversation and the timeframe was from before we met. Over the years, I thought that these tendencies had went away. However, she did tell me she feels similar now to how she felt in that time in her life.
IDK, too much mind-reading, but I just needed to get it out so I'm not thinking about it for the next day or so.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
