Script? I don't follow but I understand what you might mean, where is this script? I need to read it! lol I presume your experience is that you have seen exactly this behavior before and it is predictable to some degree? I told her last night that I know more about her and what she's doing than she does, you should have seen the look on her face! I told her that unlike her I am working on myself and learning about what has happened to our M. I know I blew her mind a bit when I told her that.
I want to hold onto hope and I suppose I am. I love her I cannot deny that or that I want to save this M. I presume I should go back to DB'ng as I said in my post and I keep going back and forth the emotional roller coaster, it is tough. I know I saw it in her face and some comments she made after my post last night that her reality is creeping in slowly. She was looking for apartments last night on her phone and asked me a few questions about money, location, etc. I told her that is for her to figure out, and that she is still responsible for expenses in the house legally, but that once she had a made a decision we could work through particulars, we were in the kitchen preparing dinner, and she started naming things in the kitchen she'd like and I said yes to everything she asked to take (silly kitchen utensils? then she started on about how all these things she will need cost money, beds, a vaccum, etc. It was kinds fun to watch her start to process this stuff), that I was agreeable and kind seemed to throw her a bit. I also told her that I will not help her move(she said her brother would come to help (from 2000 miles away?), I did tell her I will help her review a lease if she'd like my opinion on something she can ask. Later she expressed concern that she wouldn't be able to get an apartment(with her credit being not so good and that she was on the house) and maybe she's move in with her friend T for a while. I told her that is her decision, but that I was sure apartments see women all the time in her perdicament and work with them to some degree. She is worried about the distance if she goes to T's and that she said it would be better for her monetarily than getting an apartment and but tougher to be with the kids if she goes to T's, I told her we could work all that out. That I would never put the children between us, that I do not wish to seek revenge against her or anyone, though a part of me entertains the satisfying thought to cause her pain, I assured her that is not what I would ever do. I told her no one needs any more pain. She told me if I did she'd get an attorney and get after me for harassment. I told her there's no need to worry about that. That I wanted to resolve our situation amicably, she calmed down a bit after that.
I also told her that if it were to take 3 weeks or whatever, that I would be OK with that as long as she abides by my boundaries. She said well make up your mind you want me out or don't you? I told her that I care about her and I don't want her to rush into a bad decision just because she needs to leave, that there is no rush as long as we can cohabitate in a respectful manner I know that the money sitution will weigh on her heavily because I have always handled the finances. We're not rich, but we aren't poor either and we have a good amount of bills that take up the vast majority of our income.
Several times throughout the evening she would be texting and show it to me that it was her friend T. I told her thank you, and that it was difficult for me to see her on her phone and not feel that she was texting him. She said "it's the least I can do". I checked her phone in front of her this morning. She said "see nothing". I said thank you for allowing me to, and I told her I was not happy that I had to do this. She said she understands how hard it must be that she probably couldn't do what I am if it was the other way around. I thought that was interesting and let it be.
I think you're right about experiencing her reality/pain. She hasn't had to do anything except know that I would continue to keep the house running and the kids cared for. I know that there is still a process that can work here, that she acknowledged even a small chance is a chance I suppose. She also said she knows she will most likely never find a man who will love her as I do and that troubles her, she became emotional when she said it and started crying. She has told me she doesn't really see a future with OM but I know she is clinging to that possibility and I know that they will see each other every day at the office. I think she's so wrapped up in those shiny new feelings that she can't see past the temporary happiness she is experiencing. It was a tough evening.
So planning for the week and weeks to come: Do I go dark? Last resort? Do I DB hard?
I was thinking about buying a new cologne and maybe some new clothes, I went and got myself(and my son) some shoes this weekend so maybe a new outfit? I told her that would be making some plans to go out this week, she said "I told you you should go out more, just tell me so I can plan" I told her that I would try to give her sufficient notice but if there was something last minute I would need her to be available to to take care of the kids. Our schedules are a bit different, I work early and get off early. She usually works late(yeah right!). I know she does. She's good at her job and dedicated. I've always admired her for that.
So I'm trying to think of things to do which might put some burden on her and prevent her from being around the OM too much.
Me 41 Wife 38 T20 M13 S8 D3 Bomb 1/26/15 A confirmed 2/19/15
