Did she agree on NC? I didn't get that part I guess. Just don't get into half as*ed attempts. She either commits to this or she doesn't and if she does she has to give 100% transparency and not complain about it...
I didn't see it either. Actually, I see where she agreed to it, only to say she'd 'check in' on OM from time to time.
Peter, I don't say this to be a downer, but your current situation mirrors mine from about 6 mos ago. I too, was fine with living in limbo if W wasn't seeing someone, but if an OM was involved, I wasn't going to stand for it. It doesn't work that way- if you're going to let her 'figure herself out', that involves her potentially dating someone else.
I can see your situation playing out the same way mine did... Me- 'Commit to working on the M with me or I'm filing.' W- 'Ok, I'll agree to MC and no OM contact.' (As Complex pointed out, this was a half a**ed attempt on W's part as she pushed back on full transparency)
2 mos later... W- 'I've decided to stop MC. I need to figure myself out, can't give up the life I've built for myself, blah, blah, blah.'
At that point, I didn't want to go ahead with D because she had 'tried', we were on decent terms, etc.
My point is make sure you're prepared to go ahead with your 'threat' of D should she continue any form of OM contact, complies with your requests for a while but regresses, etc or it comes across as an empty threat.
