Plain Vanilla #9

[Vanilla]

Thanks Z

This sitch is at this time definitely not thriving. I do understand what you mean and the example you give is excellent. There are times when functioning in adversity is not enough.

V has a view that V is not in denial (de Nile loving this Gg). This M with this H is not working and indeed I neither want this M nor this H. That sounds strange, I am working for a different M , with a different H and a different V.

V is standing for V, the M is a by product. In some ways a destraction. V is being a work in progress.

So let us look at GAL, really look at it. Why do we do it and what does it do for us?
Why does V believe so much in GAL.

GAL for its own sake is a distraction from pain. This can on occasion be enough.
GAL changes the environment, gives a new perspective.
On its own to start with GAL is hard to do. We want to stay in pain, we are afraid we will miss something important with our OH. We fear we have too much burden and we are afraid GAL means change and distance, we would rather focus on the OH.

Then we GAL , it gives PMA and perspective.

Then finally we GAL with purpose, for ourselves. For example:
To learn to dance to improve our social skills.
To have activities to improve our R with our children
To learn a new skill
To get healthy....
Etc

We do this for ourselves. The rest is bonus.
Forget the theories and endless analysis
When we GAL we are involved in our own lives, we are interested in other things, we are active involved. We are self centred not selfish. We are the best we can be because that makes us happy fulfilled and great parents, spouses, daughters, sons and lovers.

So why is V standing? V is standing for V, not for H or her M. To learn to be the best V she can be. It is a work in progress.

Has V made mistakes in her M? Oh yes and please higher power and thank you higher power the screaming banshee has gone. Thank you H. Thank you DB for giving me new tools to use. Thank you TED for the wonderful talks. Thank you Amazon for the books, that I can now afford them. Thank you GAmanon and 12 steps, thank you Rotary. Thank you fellow DBers for insights, tools, tips, humour, care, love and support. Thank you for helping V to change for her own sake. Thank you for being part of the higher power, V has made every effort to allow her higher power take the load. V is no longer alone, she has her team.

And thank you Z for an insightful stimulating post.

V

[Vanilla]

I'm glad it went well nilla. I was concerned for potential outcomes.

It does show h looking for validation, on things he's not doing ie being sober, which is him trying to live a fantasy life. In that river denial, you know denial river in Egypt! Lol

Gg, I had to let go of the outcome first. I went in expecting anything, prepared for the worst. If I had evidence of EA or PA then I would have left alone.

I am glad I arranged this.

When I came in last night after Ceroc H had been out drinking and there was beer in the house so he was drinking again at home. I do not buy alcohol so he has bought this himself. H just said "I have no friends". Your issue H.

V

[edz]

Hi V

been catching up, been a busy weekend for you. I see Gg & Z have been checking in over the weekend. So with POW redefined as CF that seems good but was concerned to hear it sounds like he may be doing the same with your other friends.

Hope you're doing ok with all this, we need our V to be happy

Is it still new car / bft day?

[Vanilla]

Edz

Yes, H is trolling for POW. I am OK with that, but not really liking it is with my friends and neighbours. Can not see H Internet dating though. H never liked any of his work colleagues too so that is a no. H bar flies so that is his main source.

Babes at golf, in tartan trousers? possibly.

Hey Ho, I am shutting down some lies and at least now am able to go to myself yes rubbish when H starts.

I get my red car today. It's a soft top. Not exactly the best in this weather. I am off to collect today.

V

[Ggrass]

Wow nilla new wheels.

[edz]

Cool on the car v, we shall have to help you put together a playlist to listen to when,if, the weather improves (its hailing again here right now)!

And the bft?

I think what you've said on h is all you can really do bar giving up completely, accepting we can't control our various spouses is pretty much all we can do the real work as you so admirably show is working on ourselves and ensuring we know what boundaries we need in place to be respected and feel happy and communicate those.

As always v you're admirable

[rd500]

Hi Vanillia, good luck with new car. Re your H, it seems to me he is very confused. I think last week was a temp test and now he's pulling back and generally all over the place. I read alot of the posts on this board and most of us seem to have no movement in a positive way. Yours seems to be shifting. Also I think you are the DB queen and it's obviously getting to him.

As you say you are standing for V and thats what we all should do for ourselves.

Stay strong, RD

[Sotto]

Ooh V - a soft top! Just in time for some lovely spring weather. Hope you enjoy your new little runabout!

[edz]

Hopefully its cheaper tax than mine £230 to tax it this year, ow!

[rd500]

HI Edz, 230 for the year, mine costs 1480 for the year !!!!!!!