W actually went on a round trip today and went to tell her mom and dad (they are D). Her mom called me right away after W left. I didn't talk to her about details. W did not mention OM to her mom. But she kind of blamed me "I made promises and didn't deliver, quit school before, can't support us". Not made for each other bla bla,...basically the same stuff she told me after BD. Ridiculous...and that I'm going to school now just for her and stuff. Seems like she only told them we are separated. No D mentioned. She's setting it up for sure, or how can I decrypt that?
Her mom is in complete shock, can't understand and told W, this is not a reason to D. Of course W didn't wanna hear that.
Then W texted me and told me. "Everyone is shocked, they love me no matter what" and the best thing "everything will be ok" !?!? Guess that depends on the eye of the observer.... Pisses me off. Glad I'm gone for GAL stuff. Tomorrow big family event. Gonna be lovely.
What's gonna happen next out of your experiences? Except of that I continue to be an awesome person
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
What will happen next i that your awesomeness will continue to grow.
And for your W's family, they will come to realise that she has been having an A. I don\t know how this will happen but somehow and in some way it always does. Then all the stuff that she has just told them will look a bit.....untrue..... and she'll have to deal with that too....
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Party of the family knows about OM bc my mom blew it. Doesn't seem like W bothers to tell anyone, but they'll find out. In her eyes it wasn't an "affair". Just some feelings lol. It doesn't count as much as an A to her bc it wasn't physical. Plus she "truly loves" him...... Oh well. I'll just stay super strong, very respectful and show my maturity and new awesomeness in this whole process. I have a feeling that family will make some effort to 'avoid D'. Her mom already told me she's not gonna give up on us. I asked her to respect W though bc we can't control it and it's her life.
Had another fun night driving for Uber. It's so distracting and I meet fun people constantly. Perfect GAL activity on a boring evening, even making some money. I seriously need to find sth for volunteering tho.
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
Oh man. Family event starts soon. I'll be fine there I think. But why in the damn world does W look so damn beautiful this morning? She didn't dress up or anything, she looks like out of bed...like perfectly imperfect. Or am I retarded and suffer from Stockholm Syndrome?
It feels different now that family is involved. Kind of a relief for some reason. I know they love me and will be supportive towards M, at least that's what I'm hoping for. And I feel strong enough to be able to deal with everything.
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
Event was ok. I felt 'high' on meds, felt weird but had nice chats with all the old ppl. It was awkward bc ppl asked about me and W, our awesome wedding and if we are going to have kids soon Well, I'm in a different place, feel ok about things. Her dad wants to talk soon he said. The "Stockholm Syndrome" is going off today lol. I feel like I'm so in love with W. I look at her and love every single thing about her. But I'm also aware of that I might never have that again and that my/our love might never create equal happiness. She was fairly nice to me today. Even touching me on her way out. Smiling at me. Weird especially the day after making our separation official.
At least I feel love. Not anger, no hatred, grief...
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
Got to detach bud. Sounds an awful lot like a love sick puppy in high school. It is her job to play the high school games and your job to detach and GAL. Yes you love her,I love my w too and she didn't even say goodbye to me on the way out the door this morning. Detach
Me:39 W:33 Married 6/07 D6 Found out about affair 9/14
It's just love man a good thing. Doesn't have anything to do with detachment, ideally. Sorry to hear. My W warmed up a bit actually. Don't know why and I won't read anything into it and continue. The secret of success lies in believing in something. In our case without having expectations at all. But confidence somehow makes us attractive.
I'm re reading DR right now. It's even better the second time with a clearer mind. Highly recommend!
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
So family involvement seems to be more of a positive thing. A lot of pro M support from her mom and others. I just hope she doesn't go too aggressive on it which will chase W further away. I talked to her mom and told her there's nothing we can do right now but respecg W's decisions and let her figure out her own life for now and that we shouldn't try to pursue her. I try to be as respectful towards W and family as possible. It'll be a good thing. Her mom leaked a few things already how W is feeling right now. Good for my understanding. But I also made clear that right now I'm just taking care of myself and work on myself. W is not the focus right now.
Is there anyone who dealt with pro M support from family? Is there anything I have to watch out for?? Thanks.
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
Be sure and treat EVERY interaction with her family as one that could -- and probably WILL -- get back to her. EVERYTHING. In other words, don't say something to her mom that you wouldn't say if your wife were standing right next to her.
Secondly, thank them for supporting THE MARRIAGE, and be careful to draw that distinction. "I would never want you to have to choose between me and _______, and I know you know that and I appreciate instead that you are choosing to support OUR MARRIAGE."
Finally, know that the old adage of "blood is thicker than water" is true, and there may come a point where you aren't sided with the way you would expect. Preparing your heart for that now, so you won't feel like Jesus when His very disciples left and rejected him, helps.
Complex, I am going through this right now and I finally decided I need to back off and not talk to father-in-law as much. I know it puts him in a tough situation and it hurts him as well cause he loves his daughter but knows she is wrong. What is a dad to do. I hope you continue to grow you sound like you are beginning to understand yourself, be careful will letting your feelings go too much it can lead to setbacks in my experience.
