It's gotten worse (I know you are thinking, how could it get any worse).
Well, we've started having S again (wonderful S). Even in light of the fact that W asked if I could watch all 3 kids last night so she could go out on date with AP. Fate saw it otherwise, blasting us with snow which put the kibosh on that plan. We're having nice discussion when I broached the S subject and W was game. Then we ended having a frank discussion of what she wanted (now it appears she is not ready to move in with AP immediately - not that crazy in love with him). She then proceeds to cite, going all the way back to the very beginning of our relationship - 13 years ago - all the issues she has with me. Never acknowledges or focuses on the good stuff, just the bad stuff. And when taken to task on her perception of the historical record, she quickly switches to another instance where she believes I let her down.
In any event, both slept well that night (as well as did our 18 month old who sleeps between us) and I woke up to a new day which I hoped had a chance of being better than the earlier ones (those involving A).
However, my hopes were quickly dashed when W asked if AP could come to our house and pick her up (her car was in the shop). I was incredulous. A shouting match ensued (me saying that I do not want that POS around house and kids) and she backed down. An hour or so later she bolts out the door with purse in hand (assumedly with keys) in what I perceive is an attempt to rendezvous with AP in front of a neighbors house. I know, what will the neighbors think? I call to her as she is walking down the driveway - making somewhat of a scene. After a minute or two she comes back in. More arguing (in front of kids ensued). She assured me she was just taking a walk (with her pocketbook). Yeah, right.
So I tell her that if she is stressed with the kids, go to the gym - not the AP (she associates relaxation with him, when it's really just being away from the kids). She says I am trying to control her. I drop her off at her car. Then I take all 3 kids to mass and then to eat out, then home. Four hours later, she comes home saying that she's only been gone for 2 hours. I say if you'd rather spend your weekend away from your kids with some stranger then something is seriously wrong. So I make a phenomenal meal (incl. dessert) after I get back from going food shopping (no she did not do this in her 4 hours of meandering around). Later that night after I get the kids to bed, I successfully seduce my W again. As is par for the course since the A was revealed, S is out of this world. Afterward, W is saying that she does not think we should be having S. I tell her that I disagree as it has so many positive benefits (stress, calorie, free, connection, brings down the virulence, etc.). She is probably right that it is not good for us, but it feels so good on a emotional and physical level. I think I read that MWD recommended S in such situations.
So, that is where we are at now. So, am I living life as if A is not happening. In some respects, yes. I think you are right that I will need to adhere to my own boundaries soon, though. I again reiterated over the weekend, that she needed to move out and that kids would stay here. She is not accepting that, talks about getting L but she is concerned about the cost. So we are in a holding pattern.
