Part 14 - Contents may flip without warning

[edz]

Hi Toots

Thats kind of where I think she is but I warn myself about opening that door as its very, very hard to keep expectations at bay and I cant afford to get myself optimistic and be slammed down again. Ultimately yes, it feels like she's not ready to make a decision one way or the other, whether thats because of practicalities, being seen as "the bad guy" to s (which she's said she is deeply concerned about) or because she is undecided about whether she truly could try again I simply dont know and I accept I dont know for my own sanity.

Standoffish was, I think, talking about the way I was being aside (not physically but behaviourally) with her and her friend at the ice rink. I had actually been chatting with her friend as I got there 20 minutes or so before w when w arrived I backed out of the conversation so they could chat and interacted more with s and his friend.

It does (seem) to say something that w hasnt just considered me not worth the effort though I agree, even allowing for her just wanting to have more time with s and us together for his benefit and the fact I have in conversation said sometimes it will be nice for all of us to be together and it doesnt necessarilly signal anything (reducing the feeling of it being pursuit or me reading things that arent there) she does seem to want to pull me back from time to time.

Im sure she'd deny it if pushed though, I of course have no intention of doing so.

Hmm, something nice. Will think on that, a little tricky without appearing like its pursuit though, I know there are things she wants to do in the flat but I'd rather stay out of those, they are her making her life without me and I'd rather not appear to support it, I need to think of something apart from yesterdays lunch, that is just for her/s as a nice gesture. Mmmmm, thinking required.

The hail has indeed passed so get somewhere with a good roof if its coming up to you it was very heavy hail and looked like the bottom of my sons fishtank outside for a while! Hopefully it will 'just' be rain by the time you get it

Thanks Toots