I've been off here a little bit just because I wanted to give my head a little more space to do some thinking. The post i made on friday bothered me more than I would like. I'll come back to that
quick update I had the kids this weekend and we decorated our papier mache and generally had a really nice time. The kids were good and well behaved and seemed happy. D3 keeps asking about going to america, but i've no idea where thats come from. I was really tired and asleep by 2100 on both friday and saturday (really rock'n'roll I know)
two interactions with my STBXW on the child handovers, again i'm logging these because over time it may be that people can spot patterns or offer advice on what is working/not, what i could/should do differently
Friday (at her house). very business like. she just wanted to give me the kids a brief update on how S1 was doing after his illness and get me on my way. Not hostile just very functional. I was barely out the door with D3 in my arms before the door was closed on me.
Sunday (at my house) She was late (by about 10 minutes) and all dressed up for something but no idea what (my assumption is something with OM1 after tuesdays foray). when she came in, her body language was so eager to leave she was kind of pressing herself against the front door. wouldnt say hello at first but then we had a bit of a conversation about some things that i had bagged up for her that she had left behind and a bit of a chat about the kids. She relaxed slightly told me she was going to MILs next weekend and even said 'see you later' as she left.
I've conciously trying to spend less time thinking about my situation and its sort of working a little bit. I've managed to distract myself on some parts and at others used some of the mindfulness techniques to observe my thoughts.
Ive been thinking more and more on why I still want a relationship with someone who has so comprehensively rejected me. As Mozza has said this just doesnt seem healthy.
I've also been questioning the logic of DB (I know its counterintuitive) as the process of detachment would surely have the same impact on her. It feels like im helping to promote indifference and just 'hoping' that she gets so miserable she wants to come back. again that doesnt seem too healthy and is quite a challenge given how miserable she was.
I've also been giving a lot of thought to empathy and what that means in our respective situations. whether or not I feel i was abusive or critical and whether or not anyone else would think that doesnt really matter, as my STBXW feels (and seems to genuinely believe) that I was.
GGrass, as far as my W is concerned on the day her dad died i had a go at her for being a 'cr@p mother'. not how i saw it but i was WAAAAYYYYYY out of line. and i'm sarcastic always have been and i made way too many comments that she found hurtful - I used the excuse that i was just joking, but looking back i can see how they reflected my hurt and she would have known that and taken it as an attack. So yes i can see why she says what she says I abused her even though it never even got close to registering thats what i was doing.
I find it difficult to read some of what good people on here have gone through and reflect thats how my wife felt. Even if I never meant or wanted to hurt or even upset her and felt like I was always putting my needs aside (proper NMMNG I know). I cant change the past but at least i understand for the future
There is a lot more I've been thinking about empathy, what our WAS' do and why, how we choose to interpret that and some stuff about group think but probably not something to spend too much time elaborating now though.
I realise the tone may make me sound down, but reflective and moving toward accepting would be more accurate. I'm feeling reasonably positive in truth.
Anyway have a good day y'all
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
