Yes, I'd love to contact H - thing is it's his B'day tomorrow and I already posted a card, plus I was planning on a little HBD text in the morning to him. It might be a bit much if I also text today...
It's weird really, and I am just kind of waiting to see where he's at following my email back to him. I think it was the right thing to do - and it does encourage him to share a bit more with me. But equally, it doesn't give him any particular cause to hope if he is hoping we might reconcile. But then, if he hasn't even told me what is happening re: the A - why would I give him cause for hope?
I also worry that the characteristics he's showing now, are similar to the problems before. He just finds it so difficult to say what he feels and wants. I would love him to read NMMNG. But then I know this is Mrs Fixit breaking out of her box again.
But I worry that he hasn't done the 'work' - you know? Also, I keep having this thought. If someone had stopped me on my wedding morning and said - your H will cheat on you in 5 years time. Do you want to still go ahead? I might have said no. Does that mean our marriage was a mistake?
I think what may be happening at the moment is he's just feeling pretty low. His life has fallen apart recently in so many ways. But is it like our old cat, who moved away to live somewhere else and only came back if he got a piece of grass stuck in his eye and needed to go to the vet?
I think H may be kind of assuming that he needs to move on now, because of what happened. Assuming that there isn't going to be able to be an us going forward. And saying 'I know it's over' - and that may not be because he wants it to be over. Oh, all mind reading I know. I don't know where I'm at at the moment really...
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
