Snowing now. Freezing temperature. I was planning to go out but bc of the weather and bc my H is not home, I decided to stay in. Better to have him see me going out than not, right?
H is supposed to be working double shift. But who knows, really. I'm not calling his work to check. Used to do that but don't want to anymore. He turned of his phone and I did not leave any messages. OK, I'm trying here. He did text and call a few times since last night.
Just finished BD after many attempts. I guess one of the reasons I had a hard time reading it was there are many situations about kids. Well, sort of leave me some strange feelings.
I also spoke to someone from admission of the school I'm interested to enroll. Quite promising. He seemed to like what I told him about me and we will have another interview this Monday. I also contacted my friend who went to school with me 15 years ago but lost touch. I asked her to go to school with me so she might. So exciting for this.
I told my H about school and he said he is very happy for me and thinks this is a good thing. I then told him about talking to the old friend again. He said well this is normal when you have problems at home, you tend to reach out to people.
I am letting go of the illusion that my H is the only one who holds my happiness. No, no, no. I am the only one who can make myself happy.
Me 44; H 48 no kids together; H has D24, D19 M 14; T 18 DB 12/21/14 living together (for now)
I thought I was doing OK. Well, I guess June as a stand alone person is doing OK but when it's involved my H, things are still so fragile. That includes my emotions.
I drove his car to the store today and could not help myself. I snooped. So I found change of clothes, a box of chocolate, a business card from Tiffany & co and a hotel receipt. So he did not go to work that night after all. But Tiffany, really? He can't afford to move out but thinking about buying jewelry from Tiffany. Wow. Oh, one last thing I found was print outs from quick divorce website. So I guess he is seriously thinking about D.
Soon as I got home, he rushed out in his bathrobe. I stayed calm and asked if he was OK. I said I asked to take your car and you said OK. He said he knew.
OK, I held up for a few hours. Then I went to him and said," I'm ready to know. Tell me who she is". He denied. I said I know he did not go to work. He still denied and said he went to work. So he would not tell my anything and was getting very annoyed.
I asked the reason why he cannot ML to me because it will be cheating on her. He said there is no one. He said he is just not there with me.
I have worked hard in the past few days to get here but I am here alone. Alone is such an ugly word. Now I just feel lkike crying.
Me 44; H 48 no kids together; H has D24, D19 M 14; T 18 DB 12/21/14 living together (for now)
It's ok to cry right now, it's a shock and you will need some time to process it.
I wish I had more advice, but I don't know how to handle the A situation but you should have a look at some threads over on the Infidelity forum. Starsky in particular has a lot of good advice on how to handle confronting a spouse about an affair. Have a look.
Good luck and take your time to get through this. Don't give up your GAL and make sure you look after you right now.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
