T2, Z, and C- thank you all for your posts. I'll be honest, probably the best ones you guys have said since I've been on this site- re read them at least 4-5times in the past few days.
T2- thank you for the faith you show in me, I consistently find myself telling myself that I will hold out until April, and re-evaluate from there. I have so many ups and downs with myself and with W that it is easier to just say, ok I'm doing it the way i have been doing it, and will keep it up for another couple months. I find it interesting that you think W is noticing my changes, Im not too sure, I think some maybe, but i really don't know...something i have to keep thinking about. I did really like that thread from Cadet you posted, there were a lot of great lines in there. The one about the dog running on a leash particularly stood out to me. On another note, when you heading out over this ways?
---------- Z- First, I don't even doubt that you can do better pull-ups and pushups than most guys. Thats awesome! Your post actually stood out the most to me. This in particular.
Originally Posted By: Zelda09
His parents always said the army made him this way. We all suffered under a lot of his mid-directed skill sets. Verbal, physical abuse and intimidation.
Not to say this is you. But your W writes as though she felt overpowered and lost trust, self-respect. That's a hard thing to come back from. It might be possible but I think this, over the OM, over her confusion, is the primary issue that keeps her where she is.
My W says I changed after deployment, and I know verbally I said a lot of things to her i shouldn't have. Intimidation, not in the sense of being scared for her well being, but scared of me, yes. And I have never forgiven myself for it.
"Overpowered, lost trust, self respect." YEA, how she felt to a T. And I fully recognize that this is extremely difficult, if not impossible (Well nothings impossible), to come back from. And the last line about confusion over OM, and everything thats happened, I 100% agree is the primary issue over keeping her where she is. For an indecisive person, this is like mental overload. So she plays ostrich and avoids it all.
From the day you started following my thread, you've been an advocate to see W, and sit across from her face to face, somehow make it happen. I understand I think what you mean when you say "show her changes, but don't let her get the full effect of it," be friendly, but not satisfy her. Its hard to describe, but I remember the feeling of it, because i did it once. Just once, on our last face to face interaction in december. ITs like showing your loving, but not quiet giving in...still trying to figure that out how to do that over the phone...any thoughts? When she consistently turns to me to make her feel better?
------ C. You're seriously my BFF on the internet. And my female counterpart. We have such similar habits (maybe a bad thing considering...?) But first, THANK YOU for the update on YOU...when are you starting another thread? Soon hopefully...But I am sorry to hear about your shitty work thing...praying the lower responsibility doesn't happen...
I really appreciated your insight as far as telling my bosses. And thats the EXACT reason why I havent. I will be judged, they will understand (to an extent) but at some point, they will doubt me. Oh, T cant do it, because he's got this and this going on...I don't want them to think less of me. Because honestly? no one can say [censored] to us when they're not in our situation. But you're story just confirmed the reasons why Im not saying anything.
Originally Posted By: Calibri
Because I believe your conversations are being used by her as a crutch to avoid reality. And honestly? Why would she face reality? She's got your support, love (and money), she's got the dog, she's got a place to stay. She's got whatever she has with the OM/EA, she can just float around under the pretense of "finding herself" (which I believe to some extent she is doing) and there are really no (outright) ramifications to her choices - because she's got support on all sides.
So, she doesn't know how to do it. And in my opinion (my god, I'm full of them today), she'll continue to not make any decisions because a)she doesn't know who the hell she is and b)she doesn't really need to because she's got a roof over her head, food in her stomach, and support from you and her friend.
But here's the thing. I think your support and what not is enabling her indecisiveness. You're a fall back plan. She can always go back to you (should she want) because you're keeping the path home paved and smooth (as you should).
I know =/ What you said, is what I say to myself every single day. She leans on me when times are rough and wants me to make her feel better.You said this I think day one- perks of being M without being M...Case in point, she was blowing up my phone Friday because she was stressed before and after her job interview. Must have called me 15times ( I was literally briefing 400 people so couldn't answer). When she's stressed, I know she needs my support. Her "finding herself" is taking her sweet time because she has no consequences for her actions. Heres something I thought about though...knowing my W, if I cut her off completely emotionally (as has been suggested) she'd never forgive me. In a weird twisted logic, Id be "abandoning her" in her time of need (CRAZY HUH?) -------- So update and some more thoughts (i know, will this post EVER END?)
Going back to the field for a week starting tomorrow (I swear i never home) and work is going extremely well. They're actually speeding up my time until I take Command so HOO-[censored]-RAH. BUT...I honestly hate going to the field. I just wanna stay home for a few days, this is my first weekend home in 2 months!
Ive really been meaning on joining a regular gym (not CF gym-C, don't hate me), but the CF gyms here suck. And i dislike them so I'm debating on going to a regular gym and following the following workout plan. M- BENCH T- ARMS W-LEGS (Repeat for the remainder) Basically...get beach body mode for summer. But we'll see, maybe when work settles down a little and i can actually go..
W is at home this week, she decided to go home for a week to see her dad...she told me she's been quiet lately because she's been "thinking about all the painful things she doesn't want to think about" and she needs to go home because "its something i should have done 8months ago and got out of that stupid house when you were gone"...she told her stepmom that we are "talking daily and rebuilding????" WTF DOES THAT MEAN...rebuilding WHAT...Idk...but i didnt ask.
Im seriously going to try and leave my phone home tomorrow and when W texts/calls, I won't even be around/tempted to pick it up. It'll give me a little breather and ill just be honest and say i left my phone home. Plus, in a weird way, when I don't respond to her, i feel like i am in a little more control of my sitch, and it makes HER antsy...as far as what I am doing...
One last note...I am tired of auditioning for my M. I am tired of feeling and wondering, ok is today MY day where she is all about ME or is today OM's day, where its all about HIM...[censored] THAT.
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
