Hi Jur. I'm sorry you are enduring monster right now. That's no fun. Put on your suit of armor and let it bounce off. Don't take any of it personally, it's not about you.
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I know I said several posts back that I am sure that God is in control of all of this and that perhaps the job situation has not improved because I need this time right now to focus on me, but right now I am questioning God's plan for all of this because right now all I feel is a lot of anger and bitterness towards my stbxW.
There is a good chance that you will go around and around with some of these thoughts. Putting it into God's hands is definitely something that will keep you grounded. But you will still have to endure really difficult times. It does get worse before it gets better. I am not trying to freak you out or anything, but don't lose faith. It will see you through the hard times.
I have read a little bit of your sitch and I do think you are doing really well.
And this:
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And I don't care how wonderful 25-year old OW is -- she can't light a candle to who I am and what I can offer in terms of maturity, sense of self (especially now post-BD with all of the inner-work I've been doing and I continue to do), being a parent to our kids, being a full partner at home, understanding relationships beyond the infatuation phase, understanding what REAL love is and what real commitment is, being able to act in real unconditional/selfless love, and being able to forgive... And 25-year old OW sure as heck can't compete with the history that W and I share -- having a wonderful relationship for nearly ten years filled with deep love and substance, building a family together, intertwining of each other's families, working together on shared goals/hopes/dreams for the future, and openly loving each other (open to all friends, family members, and the world) in a relationship grounded in reality (vs. a secret escape fantasy). She just. can't. compete. with ALL of that! BOOM - Mic drop!
