Went to lunch with H and D7 today. I sort of dislike doing things as a family because I don't think H is as attentive to me when D7 is around. Today he seemed unusually quiet. When we got to the restaurant I asked, "Are you ok?" He said yes, and then we got called to the hostess stand. While we were waiting to be seated, he turned to me and said, "Why did you ask if I was ok?" I smiled and said that was a dangerous question. He asked why. I said, "Because then I will have to say what you was doing to make me think you were not ok, and then you will feel judged. If you're really ok, then I was wrong and we can just leave it at that." H gave me a puzzle look and said something like, "You can answer the question." So I said, "You just seemed distant, like you didn't particularly want to be here with me." He nodded and then we were called to our table.
So we're sitting there with D7 doing MadLibs and making small talk and I just want to go sit in the bathroom and cry. This is one of those moments where I know that it's me and my perception of things, but I also get very upset that H is not willing to step up and offer reassurance. I mean, if really NOT ok and he doesn't want to say so or offer reassurance otherwise, then fine. But if it really IS ok and he knows that I think otherwise it just seems cruel to leave me hanging, wondering if I'm misjudging the situation or not.
Just when I was abt to excuse myself to go look around the gift shop (and let's be honest, have a little cry), he said, "Hey Elsa, everything is fine." I said thank you. He said, "I'm offering you some reassurance." I said, "I know, thank you." And that was that.
I was prepared to take care of myself in that moment (by excusing myself from the table) but H did what I needed, without prompting. It ended up being a nice little moment.
This is something I can see getting better with time. I'm not despondent or feeling like it's futile. We're trying to find our balance, and I really feel like it's happening.
