V, you say that this is painful to you in your first post on this thread (and you're about as detached and GALed as possible), and you choose standing. This board is supposed to be about support, whatever directions we all choose.
Just worried from far away. You've done some soul searching and will know when you can no longer stand, but from far away, it looks like you're surviving and thriving in a sitch that is far from healthy or sustainable for the common heart.
If I may share something from an IC counselor that may have little to do with anything, but might:
My family built a 24 hour biz that thrived in CA in the 80s. Despite knock down drag out fights from alcoholic father all night most nights. The trauma was terrible, and I still have nightmares. Yet everyone got up at 6am regardless of whether we slept, and we all functioned and excelled. I was a straight A student. Ran track and field, journalism, chess, debate champ, orchestra. For years I've had a full plate that starts at 5am and ends late. IC pointed out that this level of activity is as much a coping method as anything, rationally handling things as well as possible (there was alanon Alateen support groups and I never internalized or felt like it was my fault). But it was a life long habit of keeping busy to distract from having to sit with my feelings, like a life long survival mode in the face of chaos that was created and craved. And she said I detached from H and home life similarly, which is prelude to all this going on. Angry fiery fights and cold shoulder GAL to extreme.
I'm really sorry a wonderful lady who pulls others onto dance floors is dealing with this. Thinking of you.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
