Susana (5) - Stay the Night

[susana4]

Susana,

I wonder why this positive text upset you?? What?!

So, H just texted from his friend's house:

I'm going to stay at X's tonight because it is too much effort to get the train now. I hope you had a fun day doing all of your things. That snacks were really nice thank you he (X) thought the cookies were amazing!

1) H loved your snacks
2) H talked about your gesture to his buddies
3) His buddies loved your cookies

You scored BIG right there with both H and his friends. A lighthearted response like "I am glad that you and your friends enjoyed the snacks. Enjoy your time with X and see you tomorrow!" Light & breezy...remember?

I know, Wonka, I am so confused about why it upset me! I may need to think that over some more. I think Zelda hit the nail on the head when she suggested it may have upset me because I was freaking out about the ML and he was so breezy and lighthearted (even if I was planning to act breezy too, I didn't quite feel it on the inside yet).

This morning when I woke up I realised that it was silly of me to be upset over the text (although I realised that last night, too) and I wished I'd replied (something along the lines of what you said). So, when I first saw him (I was still asleep when he got home) I told him "hey! I just saw your texts, fell asleep before I got the text, hope you had a nice time with your friends? So glad they liked the cookies."

You asked earlier about what I meant about the parallels between you and Train. Like your H, Train's H was on the fence about returning back to you and the M because of his not-so-good memories of the M.

Now...what I am saying here is that we all advised Train to re-attract H. This is what we are doing here. We are working with YOU on re-attracting H. I am very glad that you listened to our advice for it has made a very positive in H's love bank and his good feelings about you will slowly return.

You say that you did a 180 in not getting upset over the broken plate. Again, that is something that your H is watching very carefully in his head. He needs to see that those changes are for real and will be forever.

No spouse wants to return back to the same ol' marriage with same ol' arguments/fights. Your H needs to believe and TRUST that you will not blow up over small things. I am not discounting your sentimental attachment to those items...but they are just that...items. What's real is the love bond between you and H. That's real. Know what I am saying here, sweetie?

First off, thanks so much for your advice Wonka, I really appreciate it and the idea for the snacks was BRILLIANT and went down so well. So thank you! I really appreciate the time you and others have taken to advise me.

I get you, I'm re-reading Train's thread now to see how she re-attracted her H.

And any other advice you (or anyone else) has on re-attracting H is so welcome, I am trying to absorb and implement all that I can right now! This board and everyone here has really been amazing.

As for the plate - I totally get that now. It's sad that it took H dropping the D-bomb for me to realise that my M is way more important that any object I own. I mean, if you'd asked me before about my M vs a plate I obviously would have chosen my marriage, but I just didn't get how my critical comments could hurt H so much. Now I see it. I just hope we can put our M back together too but I'm guessing it takes a little more than superglue.

Making a real effort to be consistent on my 180s now.

I think you're on the right track.

Thanks!

Think I made some more deposits in H's love bank this evening! I opened up the kitchen cupboards and the drawer fell out on me and I went "uh oh!"; H heard the commotion and came over and said "I'll fix that!" (Gogofo, just like you said!)

So as he was fixing it I made an effort to praise and thank him but then thought - if I were H, what would make this more fun? And I remembered there were some beers left from H's movie and snacks day, so I put one in the freezer for a few mins to get it nice and cold and then took it to H. He looked happy.