Don't have a long drawn out discussion. Keep it short and simple. If she tries to twist it around about the kids, your faults, etc., stay on course. Do not get side tracked and get off on other topics (which a WAW can do quite easily). Tell her that is another conversation at another time. Right now it is about her A and making her decision immediately b/c you will not live in an open M. That's what she made this, when she allowed a third person to come in.
Stand your ground. Do not take the fall for this A. Do not buy into any of her BS. You are the one in charge, not her. Oh, and don't agree to MC or that sort of thing right now. All she has to do is (1) agree to end the A. (2) Write a no contact letter to OM tonight, and give it to you to approve and for you to mail. She will tell OM she made a mistake and has decided to work on her M, and they must not have any contact from this point forward. (3) Agree to be completely transparent and to give you her passwords, and to hand over her phone to you (without warning, of course) whenever you should decide you need to take a look.
If she agrees to number one, then go on to number two and three. She will be outraged. Expect it. If she doesn't agree, send her packing.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
