You're going the sledgehammer way when a nudge is all it needs. I am a big fan of allowing the WAS to step up and demonstrate that they will do what they said they would do.
Look...your W has heard your "not want a D" speech way too many times.
What is new here is that W responded to your comment on how she would feel if she were in your shoes. That is a change that I haven't seen before. She's said that she will not contact OM. Let her step up the plate without your constant bleating in her ear.
Step back and monitor. DO NOT DO ANYTHING NOW. It's your antsy pantsy that's driving you up the wall.
Doing nothing is also action.
If she contacts the OM, then it would be appropriate to bring up the NC letter. It is your boundary and the marriage's boundary.
No more Wet Noodle moving of the goal posts. To me, a simple comment of "this isn't working for me any more. We have some decisions to make" and then STICK to it. That is if your W refuses to do the NC letter or allow you to see it and approve it.
