Part 14 - Contents may flip without warning

[Ggrass]

White chocolate mouse for dessert tonight out. It was good.

Excellent, extraordinary good thing I didn't have lunch. I am going to have to take up some exercise. Might have to mow the lawn to work of the mouse!

[Vanilla]

BFT would have loved the mouse Gg

So would I.....

V

[edz]

Ha.

Evening guys

lots and lots going on today. Took s skating as mentioned, lots and lots of positive stuff going on there. Huge shock from w's friend who couldnt believe weight loss (before w turned up so nothing in respects to w bug good for pma). Lots of time with s including helping him when he took a tumble and needed some confidence building.

Afterward the weather here has been atrocious all day (joys of coastal weather) so w and friend called off the trip into town. S, W and I ended up going for lunch/dinner was great but w seemed a little distant at times as if she was tuning in and out. Anyway afterward took them back to the flat and w asked did I want to come in and see s's new room, she understands if I dont. Thought that would be churlish so went in and yes, its very nice, w has put in a lot of work and told her so.

Stayed for a coffee but w was becoming a little edge and s was starting to get unsettled. W wanted to have a bath and get on with the evening but it was clear I was holding things up. Made my excuses s didnt want me to go but hugged him and made a hasty exit before I started to lose my composure.

Sent a quick email this evening saying thanks for a great day with them and that she seemed to be tired so I went before I settled into the lounge myself. Few other bits we had been talking about but still nothing game changing.

Think I need some downtime on it all for a couple of days as its starting to get to me a bit, if Im not about as much that'll be why although I imagine I'll be on here first thing tomorrow as always

Take it easy all.

[rd500]

Hi Edz. Seems like spending time together can't be bad I know it's not as you would like but it's giving her a chance to see your changes and accept they are real.

Chin up mate , sounds like a great time with S.

Take care. Rd

[Sotto]

Hi Edz

Sounds pretty positive with your W today. Good to spend a bit of time all together. And you kept up your PMA etc, which was great. Sounds as though the sitch in general may be wearing you down a little - which it does all of us - only human. So, we won't worry too much about you if we don't hear from you for a day or two.

But, know that we are always here if you need us Edz. And maybe have a think - if you're feeling a bit worn down - then regardless of what your W is up to - is there anything you'd like to plan/do to bring more happiness into your life? Maybe a new GAL plan or similar?

T (((Edz))))

[Ggrass]

Sounds like turning cogs.

Or maybe just a mood. It's not as easy for them as they make out either.

Your doing well.

[edz]

Hi all

Thanks, and thanks for the hug toots. My official answer is..dunno..

I still feel detached, ok, its just not knowing am I hanging on for something I can't have really. If w doesn't want me at all then why keep wanting to spend time, some of it is me inviting her, fair enough, some is for s also fair enough but this afternoon was like the best times we went out as the three of us...

Leaves me confused and wondering does she want this and that question never gets anything from w and ends in my answer at the top... Dunno

Also leaves me a confused bear.

Thanks though it helps to hear you guys saying I'm doing something right. We'll see I suppose. Some nights just gets a little introspective tonight was that. I'll try to get back to normal service tomorrow.

Gal, toots, mmmm gym attempt 3 this week. Haircut (always helps my PMA strangely)

Hopefully some days off this week may do some new stuff if money works out, hopefully have s thu Fri to mix things up a bit. We'll see..

[Vanilla]

Edz

Who knows why WAW do the things they do and say the things they say?

It just is impossible to get in their heads. Stop trying and just carry on becoming Edz. Do this for Edz.

(((((((Edz))))))))

V

[edz]

Morning all

busy one again so far, wfh as landlord coming around to sign off on repair works, back in the office tomorrow.

Upped the game to 40 reps on the exercises this morning, hurt less so either ive killed all the nerves in the area (possible) or they're rebelling less. Still ouch!

Nothing from w since yesterday, again not really expecting that much between her H.E. timetable (I resist reminding her she sets this timetable and can change it so she and s are exactly as busy as she wants them to be) and post weekend radio silence its all pretty much situation normal.

Have to tax the car online today so hope that doesnt pose any issues (had to wait for payday to afford it so lets hope the online systems all still match up post move or it'll be the post office tomorrow).

So from yesterday, bits I didnt post about. We got into the same discussion briefly (w wont talk when s is about, w is almost always with s unless I have him hence our main talking is on the phone when he's here, a mad situation really).

W briefly called me a bit standoffish when we were out with s at the rink and w's friend briefly went away. Said no, of course not just respecting her space and I thought she was chatting with friend. I'm happy to be more involved with her and friend and then was for the rest of the event (apart from running over to correct laces, boots and help out with s when he went a-flying on the ice!)

Later after the skating and lunch w was having a quick chat and follow up email while s wasnt about and after I came home, I managed to hold PMA, just confirmed and stood on the same status. No I do not want this (sep/div) I equally respect her decisions and understand how we got here (I did not go into details or start accepting blame, nor did I blame her). I respect her opinions and decisions and I am getting on with things, that I want s and both of us to be happy going forward and I would prefer to work on our marriage and put in the work. W never opens up at these points though, she seems to be ready to start talking but once she doesnt get me saying im done im off she stops, I just move on with the conversation though and try to remain PMA prodding at her for her thoughts or feelings on moving forward is not going to do any good, she'll tell me when she's ready or I will stop waiting, only she knows how long its going to be before she's ready to talk, I have to accept maybe never I suppose. Its that that slams me sometimes.

Im ok(ish) in my own little environment, I have my flywheel going of work, house stuff, GAL, some fun and time with s and the momentum keeps me moving forward. Just after days as close to being together as a family was yesterday I do wonder what she wants.

Thing is still a factor of course, nothing I've seen on it, of course w doesnt know I know anything about it so she wont raise it and I cant talk to anyone so just have to put that it in the non-constructive pile and put in my file this away for now box.

So, yes, monday.... carrying on carrying on.

[jim0987]

Hi edz,

Sounds like she is testing you to me, not consciously I think, but still testing. To what end couldn't say but the way you describe her behaviour sounds like the sort of thing you'd get when people are internally in that 'does not compute' frame of mind.

Like she struggles to believe that you still want her back or that she wants to check your changes are real and you get it. I don't know but that's how it reads to me.

If it is that then you need to keep doing what your doing, no prodding and good PMA. And no expectations (I know you know but still worth saying)

I guess it must be wearing on you as if it feels just out of reach than can be more agonising than big gulf, a bit like finishing second rather than mid table. So your GAL activities might be all the more necessary for a bit