Did you order DR already? I mention your part in this because that's the part you can control and that's the central theme of MWDs books. If you can control and adjust your own behaviour, it may lead your H to respond differently.
I'm sorry to hear that your H has had two A's - that's tough. Have you had a look at Train's thread? Her H had an A and then a further A a number of years later. The work that you do to heal following an A is all important in terms of the sustainability of your M going forwards, and protecting your M from possible future A's.
Have you looked at the Dear Peggy website? It's a useful resource for people affected by infidelity. She talks about two kinds of healing after an A - individual and marital.
Individual for the BS is coming to terms with the reiection, learning to trust again, learning to forgive and so on. Now, that healing may take place within the marriage, or it can take place alone too - and this is an area where you have some control.
Individual for the WS may be coming to terms with the guilt, understanding why things happened, forgiving yourself for the hurt caused and so on.
Marital healing are the things you do together to heal and move forwards after the A - disclosing what happened, being transparent, understanding why things happened, working on things that made your M vulnerable to an A, rebuilding trust and so on.
I would say that it's pretty difficult to heal within the M if your H doesn't show remorse and doesn't accept responsibility. Equally, you chose to continue in the M, despite him not showing remorse or accepting responsibility, and you need to 'own' that part I think.
Did you discuss how your M became vulnerable to the A's. Were there needs that he expressed, and didn't feel were being met?
When you say he blames you for everything. What does he blame you for?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
