Susana (5) - Stay the Night

[susana4]

Hi Zelda, I'm so happy to hear from you, thanks for stopping by and for your long response. I know every sitch is different and there are obviously some key differences but I do see a lot of my H in yours!

I think you've got it spot on in your analysis of my reaction to the text. H came back this morning and was acting soooo casual and normal and it just infuriated me because I was like "how can he act so normal?!" Even though I was planning to do the same.

(mind reading here) I think H was a bit shaken up by the ML because of his immediate reaction (wanting to discuss it) and because he spent the night at his friend's. It was the first time he's ever stayed the night out that wasn't pre-planned (like a vacation).

to feel like you're cheating on your H with the strange new version of your H - ha, this made me laugh! True! There is something illicit (or "naughty" as my H put it) about the whole thing, which makes it even better. Plus in our case, we had several months of tension (tickle fights, near kisses etc) all pent up.

This is something I struggle with a little bit, hope vs. detachment. I feel like they are incompatible, and yet I know I need to detach but if I give up hope in order to detach, then I won't want to save my M?

Yes, absolutely, I am waiting for a good opportunity to bring it up because I do want to acknowledge my part in the breakdown of our M, and that I understand what a critical b!tch I was and how that must have affected him. I just haven't found the right timing yet...I didn't want to do it during our "dates" this week, and now i want to give it a few days after the LM until both of our emotions have settled.

Thanks for your thoughts Z. I agree on this plan, that's along the lines of what I've been thinking. I am going to continue acting lovingly, because a) that's the kind of person i want to be regardless b) it's what my DB coach recommends c) it seems to be drawing him closer (although sometimes I have doubts). Need to re-read Carol and Dean again. I think it's no. 2 I'm struggling with the most, I need to not let his actions affect me, but am finding it a little hard. However I do feel pretty good about how I handled the post ML convo.

Your H said he didn't feel like himself. As you back off and give him that space/support, perhaps he slowly has room to get to that place again. And you might be surprised he's not the H you thought you knew/had. If he feels he has room to be his authentic self around you, that could be huge, yeah? - oh man, yes. No matter what happens between us I do hope he can be his authentic self around me, because there's nothing worse than feeling you can't be you. Especially in your own home! I can see him doing a bit of it now, slowly slowly, kind of like your H - he is going out more, watching TV shows he knows I wouldn't like.

But I do find myself wondering if I like this new H of mine...do you ever find yourself thinking that? More in my next post...will update on the events of this morning! I lost my cool a little bit.

Thanks again Zelda! I really appreciate your thoughts