WAW-- LRT in action

[SadDood]

Thank you all for your responses. I have DR on order from Amazon. I read each of the threads you linked Cadet. All very inciteful.

I have been at the house each night this week to spend time with the W and kids, but mostly the kids. Have been following the 37 steps to a T and they seemed to be working great. W texted me a nice message with a youtube link to a sweet song today after we had a really good conversation last night. (She called after I left to the house I'm staying).

Tonight I backslid though. I'm still learning how to employ the method (especially having not read the book yet). I watched the kids while she went out with a bunch of her friends. This went against everything in my fiber. But, I did it with a smile on my face and a cheerful disposition. After reading one of the other threads, it occurred to me that I should not be the one who left our residence. I have every right to sleep in my own bed, as I'm not the one who is WA. When she returned, a little drunk, I had no suspicion she was doing anything other than what she said she was doing. I'm am thinking that there is not an OM, she's basically sick of me.
When she returned, we talked briefly, and I said bluntly, that I want to return to the house and sleep in my own bed. Just because it's convenient for me to stay at my friends house, doesn't make it right. This upset her, because she said she never "kicked me out". And that she could stay at her Mother or Father's house, or in our MIL apartment. I apologized and said I would give her more time. Also, earlier in the day she had said that when she returned from going out that I could stay in the MIL apt or on the couch, to which I responded slightly tersely, "not going to happen!" I thought it was minor at the time, but I saw the wall go up immediately. I thanked her for letting me know that every tone of every response I make really needs to be tempered. We had a productive talk after, where I really tried to validate and repeat what she had said. I think she appreciated this, because she knew I was listening to her concerns. We talked some more, and I said something to the effect of "I love you and I know you love me" (major backslide) and this really made her mad and she let me know. That's the kind of demeaning comment that makes it sound as if I know what's best for her. It seemed innocuous in the moment, but I'm really starting to understand how this works. She's just not ready yet and I'm still learning the ebb and flow of this technique. I must be more patient.

Back to going dim and GAL. We have a MC appointment on Monday that I'm both looking forward to and dreading at the same time. What I've garnered is that she's both very serious and I need to step of my game and continue working on me. I actually think this backslide was beneficial. I am more hopeful than I was even a few days ago and feel a dialogue has at least been opened. I learned how dismissive I can be and how innocuous statements can, indeed be very demeaning, even though they weren't meant to be.

I will update my signature.