Plain Vanilla #9

[Vanilla]

Gg I am glad someone else sees the funny side as well as me.

Z thank you for checking in and posting. I always knock 1 pt from my GAL points when H is there. I have to say V has lots of fun GAL. Last night to start with I was the only one dancing and then I start dragging others up. V has lots of crazy loco.

I used to state my needs with H, but that met with remarks such as "you are looking at someone who gives a damn?" "Why should I care", or just plainly "go whistle". A waste of time and V ended up being in a very difficult place. So instead I just enforce my boundaries when the behaviour is unacceptable. V adopts the tactic of asking H to do things rather than stating needs which H can ignore.

Z, I see it in this order of priority:
1. Boundary infringement when H oversteps
2. Making valid requests which H can choose to say no
3. Stating essential needs to which H Can be passive
4. Stating Optional needs to which H can choose to say no

I have swapped 3 and 2 as I want to get H into the routine of agreeing to valid requests.

Yesterday H said he was a gentleman and caring. I let it pass. H knows the truth but has sheltered himself from it. H has little insight into his behaviour and has no self monitoring. H is compulsive.

H keeps stating he wants a 'we' relationship but actually he wants a 'me' relationship in which both H and V satisfy H needs. This is the relationship he had with W1 (who died). I believe that R was co-dependent as W1 colluded with H in his gambling.

V