Continuing DBing

[PeterV2]

Sandi, I will no longer tolerate secrecy. Either she complies with the NC and proves it or she can get herself a divorce lawyer. I need to make that clear, but not do it in any hostile way. Just a mater-of-fact way.

I do need to insist on the NC letter to the OM. I have some versions prepared which I could show to her and say you can use any of these or compose your own but I need to approve it before you send it.

She may accuse me of trying to control her, but I'll say it's not control. It's just my boundaries and if you overstep my boundaries I will act accordingly. I am not willing to continue in a marriage where there is another person.

I did tell her yesterday that I don't do triangles. She said she doesn't do triangles either, which I found a little odd. A total lie. But maybe her intention is not to do triangles and she's just having a hard go of it. Like Starsky says, it's an addiction.

Anyway, I definitely need to have the transparency talk. And veterans, I need a little guidance here. I don't want to come across too pressuring or to overbearing, but need to get her to hear me. How she behaves at this juncture will determine whether she has 5 months of blissful wedding preparation time with her daughter, or if she goes through 5 months of a messy divorce before her daughter ties the knot. I would prefer the former of course but I will state my boundaries in no uncertain terms.

Yeah Sandi. I know you've said it all and I have taken it all in. I just have a hard time sometimes with her treating me nice, cooking delicious gourmet meals, buying me gifts, smiling and laughing with me, while she continues her secret life. She sometimes seems to be a master manipulator and I just a gullible dupe.