This need not be the end.

[Barry]

Thanks you two. It's definitely been an easier few days.

I caught up with your sitch's too as I've been a bit busy of late. I know what you mean with the NC Mozza, it has been that that's helped. Funnily enough, I went to show my S13 my new car today (he was just leaving our house) and he happened to mention that W had been out drinking last night and was feeling hung-over. She has never been one for regular drinking but this has stepped up of late. I've since been told that she was out with one of the workmates (who is 10 years her junior). It only took this snippet of info to reach my ears to get me thinking that this "friend" is encouraging her to "get back on the horse" and set up a date etc etc. This may be nothing like the truth, I'm not to know.

I managed to silence these thoughts by simply thinking that "I cannot control what W is doing". My problem at the moment is that I do still believe that there is no OM on the scene (at the moment), but that he's on his way at some point if we can't R.
In knowing this, it's made me look at our M and R is greater detail and very similar to the lists you and Karma have been talking about Mozza, I did the same. I've been carrying a note-pad around with me for the last week and jotting down any thoughts that came to mind that I'd forget later and it was quite interesting reading some of it back.

My thoughts at the moment are that I still do want to R with my WAW, but that there's no possible way of going back to what we had..I don't even want to. The list of issues that I have with my W is sizeable, from important issues of independence and intimacy, down to her not putting the top back on the toothpaste. As I look down the list, there are many things which she could make effort to change if she wanted too, but there are some which I don't think will change. Now she's effectively been kidnapped by aliens too, her convictions about some of the issues are even stronger. I'd rather not go into what these are here out of respect for my W.

Mozza, to go back to your questions in an earlier post..

Regarding me being someone I don't want to be.
I was referring at the time to being some bunjee jumping, extreme sporting, constantly socialising animal. The truth is, I'm happy to have a few friends who I can socialise with and spend the majority of my time with my W and kids. I've always been that way.

On reflection though, it's exactly BECAUSE I've always been that way that I'm where I am in my life. My W would probably say I'm a "Nice Guy"..just not to her particularly. That would be true. I really wish I'd have read DB, DR and NMMNG long ago, it may have saved my M. It may still do, however unlikely it seems right now. I'm not going to worry about the sitch for the time being, I actually need to detach from the closeness of it all just as much as I do from my W. I'm really just looking out for me and the kids and letting the rest take care of itself right now. As I type this, W has just text'd asking me if I'm ok and we exchanged a couple of pleasant messages. I knew where to stop this time and we stopped on good terms but still with no plans to meet up or anything. The key point there is that she contacted me. What works??...backing off Barry, that's what!

Regarding to why my W has so many people on her "side".
I actually found out during the week that my W has asked her family and even some mutual friends not to initiate contact with me. She hasn't gone as far as to say "don't speak to him" though. I met up with W's older sister for a drink the other day, we've always got on very well and although we did talk briefly about the sitch, she wasn't telling me anything I don't know already (e.g. W really seems to have made her mind up about things). I have been in touch with some of them over the last couple of months and to be fair, they've all said that W is NOT saying anything bad about me at all. She has told me this too. I do have people on my "side" so to speak, but ultimately, this is one battle where no amount of allies will help.

Lastly, and regarding my faults that have contributed to the breakdown of our M, I'm going to post about this separately tomorrow when I've given it a little more thought. I know a lot of the problems, but some of them are just symptoms, not the root cause.

Hope everyone has a good evening

Barry.