Susana (5) - Stay the Night

[susana4]

Brought over from previous thread:

susana4 - I follow your sitch intermittently and there's much I want to say, but for now I'll just talk about my experience about sex.

I was with my "college girlfriend" (from 20 to 25 yo) for 5 years and we lived together. I'm the one who broke up with her. That's when I ot "sex with ex". It was fantastic. The desire and the sensations were back to the top and more. I don't know what her hopes were, but there were no doubts in my mind about the break up. My desire came, I think, from the fact that I was about to let go of that W. That my access to her was about to be rescinded. That she was going to be with another man eventually. To me, that explains why your WAH focused so much on you. He wanted to affirm his ownership of you, to leave his mark. He was competing with other men, consciously or not.

Thanks for the insight Mozza. This ^^ is pretty awful and freaks me out. Makes me think I shouldn't have ML and shouldn't again.

One thing, I don't know if it's relevant here, H and I always had a great sex life, even during troubled times. I have a higher sex drive but was really happy with our sex life.

He was always very focused on my pleasure, which I understood when we were together because he loved me, but less so now.

He told me when we first got together that I was the first partner who he ever really cared about getting off. Previously, he said, he'd been selfish, and only focused on his own pleasure, because he'd never cared for or loved anyone as much as he felt about me, and it was the first time he cared. Not to say he didn't give previous partners pleasure, but he said he wasn't very focused on it and was very selfish.

In my current sitch, WAS and I ML twice during the week of "separation talks". The last time, it lasted for hours. Yet, it was still our last time and she went off with an OM.

Why is he doing it now? Because the desire built up. Because those tickle fights pumped up his testosterone. I'm surprised he held for that long. It might also be that he feels closer to losing you. I don't see it as a sign that his thought is evolving.

I'm sorry it doesn't sound more positive. I'm an optimist on these boards, but I also believe that sitches tend to last a very long time and go through difficult times. What you're doing now will have an impact in months, when he's looking back at what he left behind. I doubt that it will have an impact on his immediate decision. You keep on doing it though, because it can only help, but keep the big picture in mind.

Thanks Mozza. What discourages me is that I understand these sitches take a long time, but he and I haven't been together that long and I feel like it must be correlated to the length of the R. I want to save my M but at some point relative to the length of the M I think I will have to give up. I don't know what point. I've heard of people's sitches lasting several years and that would be the length of our R.

Keep on doing what? (Sorry, maybe being a bit thick here!)