Pam, What, in your mind, will jump start those sexual feelings in you?
If you know what the holdup is, then I would personally focus on THAT issue and resolve it prior to sharing a bedroom again.
If you aren't sure, then I would say that sometimes it is beneficial to put the cart before the horse. It might help recreate those feelings. Right now, I imagine that after an EA and the separate bedrooms that intimacy (of any kind, as evidenced by the foot massage) would seem weird. So to think about it now it might be easy to convince yourself that you are not ready for it, when in fact you have just become unaccustomed to it. That is where just doing it would be helpful because it would be allowing your actions to dictate your feelings instead of your feelings dictating your actions.
Also, I had an idea re: the sleep thing. Why not just say to your H that a condition of the marriage continuing is absolutely NO SEX after you have fallen asleep? That way, there will never be any mistaking if you are awake and consenting or asleep and being taken advantage of by your very own husband.
A plan like that assumes, of course, that you will not fall asleep on the couch every night and things like that. It would be contingent on you both going to bed together and mutually agreeing on whether you will be having sex that night.
What do you think of that?
Honeypot
P.S. Good to see you again and it looks like things are on the upswing. VERY happy to hear it.
