Wow, Pam, that's a tough one. Not the best day to post, as it's slow due to the holiday, and some of the best advice-givers don't hang here much anymore, having acquired a life and decided to live it.
It sounds to me like fusion and trust are still very big issues at your house, and it was probably premature to sound H out about sharing a bed. He gets points for offering to stay put "a little longer", but then loses them for apparently thinking one day met the criteria. It also sounds to me like by offering him a shared bed, but then waffling due to the sexual issues, that you're sending mixed messages. But then your sitch is complex, and there aren't any easy answers. Sounds like you still need some space to deal with the issues around whether you can trust him enough to become sexual with him again...
