Continuing DBing

[PeterV2]

Continued from previous thread:http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=56843&Number=2540779#Post2540779

SO I used the NVC technique: observation, feelings, needs, request:

I see you're still in touch with OM. That makes me feel hurt and angry and discouraged. I need to be resepcted. I ask that you never contact him gain.

It was about a 4 hour deep convo and there was much weeping on both sides. She agreed to go NC. She did admit to me that she would call him from time to time to tell him she's safe and ok. She said I scared her and made her feel unsafe a few days after BD, but that was 14 months ago. She said that she went through an abusive 1st marriage and that has sensitized her to any threatening behaviour. I never threatened her. I did try to give the OM a knuckle sandwich the morning after I found them in a hotel room but I swung and missed, so my track record of never having hit anyone still stands.

If she stops all contact then I can let her have her time to find herself again. I just couldn't stand the limbo knowing there was still contact.

Her only daughter is getting married in July and W is deep into the wedding planning. It's a big event in her life and a once-in-a-lifetime event at that. I can back off and let her enjoy that without hanging a pending divorce over her head for the next 5 months. That would just be mean. So long as she goes NC with OM I can take the limbo longer. It was the contact with the OM that drove me to do what I did the past couple of weeks.

I know I'm not supposed to even mention the OM, but I did so by name and when she admitted she talked to him from time to time I asked her directly how does she think that makes me feel. She thought about it for a few moments and then said it must make me feel horrible and that she'll stop.

Now I just need to talk to her about how she plans to prove to me compliance.