Hi Ahoy. You sound as if your H is still Pulling your strings and I wouldn't expect anything else. I know we all have to deal with what's in front of us but I do think your ab will have a ' what have I done to my D ' moment. I can see my W having glimpses of it at the moment. I don't know if it will last but my kids are getting the benefit at the moment
I know I am no vet but I have read on here to have no expectations re the WAS. I still do that f my W but it does help to think that way.
I see you say maybe your H was always like this but I think something happens to the WAS that they disconnect from their feelings for us which for us is almost unbelievable as we knew them so well.
Hopefully your H will have a eureka moment re your D and start to treat her as he should. Not doing just as she asks but to keep her feelings in mind.
