Hey folks! It's been a while. I have lurked from time to time and read a few posts, but mostly tried to avoid the board for a while as I tried to figure out what I was doing. I did have a brief (long distance) EA, but it's been over for a while now. I had a scare back in May - June and it seemed as if I was having some kind of medical setback due to stress. Thankfully I was treated and I've recovered. I'm now just trying to fight fatigue and start jobhunting again. H was wonderfully supportive, accompanying me on hospital visits, tests, and provided many foot massages.
H has been in the spare bedroom now since Spring and a few evenings ago, I asked him if he'd like to return to our bedroom. I pointed out that he could not pressure me to be sexual and that I'm a little uneasy about the fact that I am such a deep sleeper that I don't fully trust him not to take advantage of sharing a bed.
Part of this apprehension is due to some of the foot massages he gave me left me feeling a bit uncomfortable. He'd kiss my feet and legs and sometimes work his way up my thighs to the point that I'd get up and move away. I am aware that this is an obvious problem that I need to work on and have been addressing it in therapy. I tend to overlook my own feelings and consider others feelings before mine, this is why it was easier to move away from being uncomfortable rather than verbally saying so to my H. This is a huge factor in what started our SSM, I believe.
He told me he'd stay downstairs a little longer because he didn't want me to be uncertain. Last night, (the next day) he asked me if I had given it any more thought and seemed disappointed that I wasn't giving him a direct invitation.
I know I am still not ready to dive back into a sexual relationship, so is sharing our bed a mistake at this point? Should we remain in seperate bedrooms until I want to be sexual??
