Seperated, she is with someone - I'm desperate (2)

[vdubber]

Yes Ahoy I agree. The fact that she tried to call me twice as she was getting pulled over tells me she wanted support from me. The fact that she stopped by and asked about me seemed like a temperature check. The later texts seemed to also be reaching out for support.

This is one of the areas I've really tried to focus on as you are right she has an OM now. If he's so wonderful then leave me out of it. For months I texted her good morning, goodnight, dropped coffee off to her house on my way to work, asked her how her day was, etc... I was support for her even though she had an OM in the picture and I just didn't know it or didn't want to know it.

I believe in her mind she sees my detaching as some form of control or manipulation...as a game of sorts. This is not what it is, but for me to finally stand up for and protect myself. Yes it kills me not to hear from her, she was my best friend from the time I was 16 years old. I struggle with the NC daily but I am really trying my best to hold myself accountable.

I miss her more than words can say but I know the her she is now is not the woman that deserves the man I am. I recognize things about myself that need to change. I need to continue to break the codependency, to be an individual on my own, to get my confidence and self esteem back. To get my own interests and friends. To become happy in my own skin even if she is not there to take the adventure with me.

I do have hope still absolutely, but I think my hope is much more tempered by my coming to grips with reality of my situation. I dread the day I wake up and my hope is no more.