moving on

[Maybell]

I know lots of folks repair their marriages after infidelity, but I'll be honest -- sometimes I go to the piecing thread just to remind myself of how terrible piecing is! I'm happier on my own than limping along in a lopsided relationship devoid of trust -- with someone I no longer respect.

I know... reading Train's and T0324's threads is more gut-wrenching than what I'm going through now. I value marriage and commitment and I agree with MWD that divorce is awful and ought to be avoided, but I also think there's a reasonable point of no return.

Here's what I think: when I am ready to start dating, I will talk to her and see how she feels about it. I will be honest with her up front. If she is truly uncomfortable with the idea, I will likely wait a bit. But I will tell her that eventually I will need to move on in my romantic life.

I've given this some thought. Church guy stopped me to talk after Sunday school a few weeks ago and my kids came into the room after it had emptied and saw him standing there talking to me. Just a wee bit close. The look on D11's face made me feel badly (and just for the record, we weren't doing anything I wouldn't have done in front of my mother). This has not occurred since.

A friend of mine divorced about 4-5 years ago and promptly met someone she started seeing. She's still seeing him. But she only recently introduced him to her kids, like in the last 18 months or so. She said "That part of my life isn't their business." I think she was trying to protect them from instability.

I think I would do a blended approach. Date a bit without mentioning it to my kids. Introduce them to someone who's been around for a while -- but not so long as 3 years!! Ask for their feelings about all of it, but communicate that this is my life and my choices, while still taking their feelings into account. I think they can have too much input. Of course your daughter is a lot older so that would shape the plan as well.

All moot for me since no one is knocking on my door.

Did you talk to your daughter about what outcome she hoped for when she talked to her dad? To my mind, knowing what you're aiming for is a big part of deciding how to communicate.