susana, I know I continue to sound like Eeyore, but I was where you are, and ML with my H, and thought that might mean that things were -- or could be -- OK. And now? I just scheduled an appointment for an STD text next week (thank you OW). Please protect yourself, both emotionally and physically. I'm rooting for you.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Thanks for your support this morning Toots, and thanks for the warning Ahoy. I don't think we are going to be ok, if anything I am worried I just royally f'd everything up.
So I went ahead and still made the movie and snacks. It felt a bit wrong, I don't want to seem like a pushover, like have sex with me and then I will make you movie snacks and leave. But, I already had all the ingredients so I did it. And I wanted to get the f out of there and have some space to think.
His reaction was weird, he had a big smile on his face but he was like "why are you being so nice to me?" (I don't think I was mean to him but I guess it is a 180, I never would have gone out of my way to do something like that before) But he did thank me 4 or 5 times and hug me.
I also gave him these extra cookies to take to his friend I tonight, which I was planning to do last night because there were too many cookies. I know I loves my cooking so he'll be happy.
I really would love to be a fly on the wall during their conversation tonight...
I skipped out on my belly dancing class, was feeling too wound up, but I came to a coffee shop and a friend's meeting me in a minute. I will stretch out my GAL all afternoon and not go back to the house until I think H has left for his friend's. Want to minimise interaction until I figure out my plan moving forward.
I feel alternately -good about last night (it was REALLY good sex) -worried it's f'd everything up, although I'm not sure -worried it will make it harder for me on detaching -feeling a bit MORE detached, because while it was good on a physical level, the emotional connection/commitment was missing and it just makes me think I do NOT want to be with this man unless/until he has an awakening and realises what he's missing with me
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
This post is going to be a bit graphic, so if you think you might be offended please don't read.
Something I found kind of strange about last night was H seemed really focused on my pleasure, which in my head doesn't match up with him not wanting to kiss, or him just trying to get his rocks off. He spent a lot of time focusing on me, IFYKWIM, like to a ridiculous level. I "got my cookies", a LOT...a ridiculous amount, around 30 times.
I am tempted to try and figure out why, but I guess that would be mindreading.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
Sounds like an intense night - and very $exual rather than romantic. Was he also willing to be 'pleasured?' Or did he resist that? Excuse any intimate Qs here...
It may not help to mindread - as V likes to say - no doubt all will unravel in time. It's possible that such an intense session may precipitate something I suppose?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sounds like an intense night - and very $exual rather than romantic. Was he also willing to be 'pleasured?' Or did he resist that? Excuse any intimate Qs here...
It may not help to mindread - as V likes to say - no doubt all will unravel in time. It's possible that such an intense session may precipitate something I suppose?
Ha, I don't mind. No, he was very happy to be pleasured (which I did). He just spent a lot longer pleasuring me than I did him.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
susana4 - I follow your sitch intermittently and there's much I want to say, but for now I'll just talk about my experience about sex.
I was with my "college girlfriend" (from 20 to 25 yo) for 5 years and we lived together. I'm the one who broke up with her. That's when I discovered "sex with ex". It was fantastic. The desire and the sensations were back to the top and more. I don't know what her hopes were, but there were no doubts in my mind about the break up. My desire came, I think, from the fact that I was about to let go of that W. That my access to her was about to be rescinded. That she was going to be with another man eventually. To me, that explains why your WAH focused so much on you. He wanted to affirm his ownership of you, to leave his mark. He was competing with other men, consciously or not.
In my current sitch, WAS and I ML twice during the week of "separation talks". The last time, it lasted for hours. Yet, it was still our last time and she went off with an OM.
Why is he doing it now? Because the desire built up. Because those tickle fights pumped up his testosterone. I'm surprised he held for that long. It might also be that he feels closer to losing you. I don't see it as a sign that his thought is evolving.
I'm sorry it doesn't sound more positive. I'm an optimist on these boards, but I also believe that sitches tend to last a very long time and go through difficult times. What you're doing now will have an impact in months, when he's looking back at what he left behind. I doubt that it will have an impact on his immediate decision. You keep on doing it though, because it can only help, but keep the big picture in mind.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
