Susana (4) - Do you have to be confusin'?

[susana4]

Thanks for your support this morning Toots, and thanks for the warning Ahoy. I don't think we are going to be ok, if anything I am worried I just royally f'd everything up.

So I went ahead and still made the movie and snacks. It felt a bit wrong, I don't want to seem like a pushover, like have sex with me and then I will make you movie snacks and leave. But, I already had all the ingredients so I did it. And I wanted to get the f out of there and have some space to think.

His reaction was weird, he had a big smile on his face but he was like "why are you being so nice to me?" (I don't think I was mean to him but I guess it is a 180, I never would have gone out of my way to do something like that before) But he did thank me 4 or 5 times and hug me.

I also gave him these extra cookies to take to his friend I tonight, which I was planning to do last night because there were too many cookies. I know I loves my cooking so he'll be happy.

I really would love to be a fly on the wall during their conversation tonight...

I skipped out on my belly dancing class, was feeling too wound up, but I came to a coffee shop and a friend's meeting me in a minute. I will stretch out my GAL all afternoon and not go back to the house until I think H has left for his friend's. Want to minimise interaction until I figure out my plan moving forward.

I feel alternately
-good about last night (it was REALLY good sex)
-worried it's f'd everything up, although I'm not sure
-worried it will make it harder for me on detaching
-feeling a bit MORE detached, because while it was good on a physical level, the emotional connection/commitment was missing and it just makes me think I do NOT want to be with this man unless/until he has an awakening and realises what he's missing with me