Susana (4) - Do you have to be confusin'?

[susana4]

Oh yeah one other thing. There were no ILYs and no kissing. The ILY I didn't expect but the kissing bothered me and I regret now not saying anything.

I read on here when women don't kiss it is often because there is an an OM. Don't know about men. But he did cuddle me after.

[susana4]

The more I think about it the more it bothers me but I don't know it t would be a bad idea to bring it up or ask now.

[Sotto]

Hi Susana, I would play it light this morning. Do your own thing, be pleasant and busy. Maybe if he raises it you could act like it's no big deal, say you enjoyed it. Get on with your GAL plans. I wouldn't hang around and get engaged in a R talk if possible. And I wouldn't bring it up or ask either...

You know, I still fear for you that there could be OW somewhere in the wings here - which is so often the case with WHs. I really hope there isn't, but you may want to just stay mindful of the possibility.....as I'm sure you are from your post above.

[susana4]

Thanks Toots. It's going to take all my self control to play it light.

The more I think about it the more angry I get. Which I know is silly because I played a part in it too and didn't stop it, but yet he knows my position on wanting to R, and he chose to start it.

Yes re: OW I am mindful of it. Although still no evidence so far. He works in IT and his phone and computer are extremely secure. But last week he left his laptop open and unlocked while he went to he store and I had a look. Didn't find a thing.

[Sotto]

Try not to get angry. Accept responsibility for your own part in what happened.

Also remember that your H is probably pretty confused, vulnerable and all over the place right now. And that means he may be making some poor judgements right now (not that ML to you is poor judgement of course! - but YKWIM)

Try and accept all of this. Recognise that you may see a pullback now, and maybe just pullback yourself...keep it light, no pressure, nothing heavy - GAL if possible...

[susana4]

I know Toots. I need to keep telling myself I did it too. And I did have a good time.

I guess I should just accept it as part of his confusion.

I just find it weird we went all this time since BD without ML and he was very controlled at stopping himself. Even when we slept in the same bed over Xmas.

I don't understand why now all the sudden. But I can't know, and I shouldn't waste my time wondering.

I have GAL plans anyway so that's fine. I just need to not overthink now.

[susana4]

When i say I am tempted to bring it up or question him but don't know if it's a good idea, I mean the kissing thing specifically.

I don't know why but that specifically is really bothering me. It just feels really disrespectful to me, and I wish I'd brought it up at the time.

The ML I didn't expect to mean anything, so the lack of ILYs didn't bother me. And I had a good time. It's just the kissing thing that's eating away at me this morning.

[Sotto]

Don't bring up kissing!!!! (it's initiating R talk....you don't want to go there right now IMHO)

My worry is it might go like this:

S: I really enjoyed ML last night, but noticed that you don't kiss me. Why is that?

H: Because I want us to get D. I've told you that already. Nothing's changed.

S: Why did you ML to me then?

H: I was drunk - sorry.

S: Oh okay then

Is this kind of convo really going to help you right now?

[susana4]

You're right Toots!

So here's how it just went down, don't know if it was ok.

H: shall we talk about last night?
Me: we don't have to
H: I'm sorry about it
Me: it's ok, I had fun
H: me too. Is it going to make things awkward between us though?
Me: we don't have to talk about it. are you hungry? I'm going to eat breakfast

A minute later, in the kitchen:
H: Were you drunk or was that just me?
Me: that was just you. Are you hungover?
H: no. I didn't have that much. I'd have to drink a lot more to feel bad today.

H: you got off a lot last night...
Me: I know, haha.
H: how many times? That was a lot
Me: I know, it was
H: we shouldn't have done it though, that was very naughty.
Me: do you want some cereal?


I think I tried to avoid R talk/convo so much I may have been rude withh subject changes. Gah!

[susana4]

I'm glad he didn't just blame it on the drink though, and said he hadn't had that much.