Well, it's been a while since I last posted, so here I am. I pop on to check up on everyone and find it so depressing, so, I have been forcing myself to limit my reading. I recently finished reading Dr. Laura's new book on "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands", and recommend it to any woman. I didn't really learn anything from it, but it was a good read nonetheless. You need not be a Dr. Laura fan to enjoy it, IMHO.
I'm now reading "I Know I'm in There Somewhere" by Helene G. Brenner. It's a self acceptance/guide to finding your inner voice.
It's been a stressful few weeks around our household. Glenn has been sleeping in our spare bedroom which has helped me, but I feel like I should be the one in the spare room. The only reason why it's not me is because our DS1.5 wakes up and crawls in to snuggle with me and would panic if I wasn't there. Glenn was in overdrive being the perfect husband and trying like hell to meet my needs; he was romancing me with flowers, candlelit dinner, love emails, jumping on any displays of happiness as progress. I was feeling overwhelmed and voiced that in our therapy session on Friday. The questions and flow of the session, not to mention feeling a bit PMSy, backed me into a corner and rather than explaining my need for Glenn to back off on the superH approach, I told them no matter what he does, it's not going to work. This is where things got a little out of control. Glenn suggested I go stay at a friend's for a few weeks to figure out what I was doing because he didn't know who I was anymore and feared I didn't either. He said it is too painful and torturous to live with me knowing that as soon as I find a job, I'd be gone. I took this as him kicking me out. It was a very quiet, stressful day afterwards with him spending the most part of the evening at his brother's while I was seeking advice from friends. Everyone was telling me not to leave because that could be considered abandonment.
On Saturday, we discussed everything and realized our misunderstandings. I explained that I don't feel as if I need a break to think things over but need him to stop his superH role and give me some space. I also explained that my need for employment wasn't based on leaving, but on contributing to the household and our debts. I always was an independent gal and being so dependent on him has been difficult. I reassured him that my working would not make me resentful, even though that was what I feared not so long ago. I wish I could set some sort of timeline for this, but I just can't. I have so many issues to work out before I can even begin to be a wife/lover again. Since that conversation our household has been much more peaceful and comfortable.
Glenn mentioned how uneasy he was that I hadn't posted, because I tend to express myself more candidly on here... so I'll try to keep that in mind while putting more effort into our "face-to-face" communications.
