Complex #5 - progress and throwbacks

[Complex]

Thanks Mozza. I'll make sure I'll get on my own issues with the IC asap. Like you said shes still listening to my R stuff a good amount of time in the session.

I really see your concern, I admit I move lot in circles but the last couple days I moved into the right direction again. I think I'm very close to really letting go. And the quote from the other thread really helped me. And I don't want to talk my way out of this at all. If I tell her sth like this it'll be the LAST serious thing I'll tell her.
I even think it'll be beneficial and will take tension out of our living situation, IF I 100% follow up with actions.

Mozza I just got to the point where I see that I am really much more worth than this. I know actions are so much more worth than words. I'll give it a second thought If it's really necessary and beneficial to give a last 'announcement'.
Guess I had to many of those already.

[Complex]

It is time for us complex. Even if for a few weeks, fake it till yah make it...are you in? No magic bullet, no speech, no email, just us for us

Let's call it a challenge. Let's do "lent time" where we are supposed to give something up right? Let's give up our wives!!!! Lent is until April 2nd. And if we do it right maybe we "made it" until then. Or at least we will make a huge step forward.
I like it.
Deal?
We gotta check in on each other. No cheating allowed. If we break rules we gotta admit, then the other can decide about a funny GAL activity of their choice the other has to do.
Lol

[Sotto]

I think the Lent idea is a very good one! Better than giving up chocolate!

[susana4]

I think the Lent idea is a good one too. Good luck and keep at it!

[4mendmj]

You got it, challenge it is. We need to take charge of our own lives Complex. I have come up with every excuse in the world not to make more moves that better me just because deep down I am afraid she is going to get mad at me. I was reading an old thread...

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1974895&page=4

I wish I knew all that in March 2014 when I found out about the emotional affair and had successfully broken them apart for a while. I was close and did everything wrong...had no clue. Now, I have a chance, it is slim but it is a chance. And standing up for myself is step #1. Can you stand up for yourself bud? Might be the hardest thing you do? I know it will be for me. I have read old threads on great ideas for GAL. Go GAL, not just workout, we have to go next level. We have to draw attention to us. I will write about an idea I have over on my thread but come on, what yah got Complex?

[DaddyLongShanks]

Very good post Mozza. Human psychology is very complicated, I think it would be beneficial for all of us to learn some more about it to understand the works of our WAS's brains.

Confronting never helped. So I now stopped with that.

She is for sure protecting herself and her believes. Human psychology 101. She is misdirecting me too, I can see that. She feels vulnerable for sure and every time we discuss sth she is using dynamite to get away from me, to make me be the person that she wants to leave, for validation. Instead of helping to make this more livable she makes it worse so she can think "and that's why I want a D". But sometimes I got mysekf there, which is even better validation for her. So this needs to completely stop. I'm already much better about it which seems to make her even more angry...

To me this is mind blowing bc I have such a high emotional intelligence that I do t know if I could "trick" myself into believes like she does. As an observer this is very hard to watch. It hurts, disappoints. And for some ppl it will take years to realize, it'll take the same situation for them the other way around to realize, or they might never.


So ok I need a plan you said. What do you mean by that Mozza?

If you could become a narcissistic bast*rd who is only thinking of himself, gets his needs met without any concern for hers, she will start to see it.

[Complex]

Ok. Deal. So far I'm doing well lol. My mind is still circling like yours but when I catch myself thinking about the past or future with W or about OM ..I stop and tell myself STOPSTOPSTOP!!!!! And try to think of sth else. It helps.

GAL:
We have to go volunteer sth! Not only did I want to do this forever but it'll make us look very good. We help others, it's attractive!
I go to the gym every 2 days. I surf if there's any waves. I progress in my job. I signed up to drive for Uber today lol. Make some extra cash on weekends.
I made Dr appointments to go check my eyes. Totally random but my W thinks I can't see so it won't harm to get a checkup.
I'm in IC, I also went to the Dr for a regular checkup. Dentist is still on the list.
I started to play poker for fun again with my coworker, every 2nd weekemd or so.
Hmmm anything else I can think of? Any ideas?
Volunteer is on top of the list now.

[Complex]

Very good post Mozza. Human psychology is very complicated, I think it would be beneficial for all of us to learn some more about it to understand the works of our WAS's brains.

Confronting never helped. So I now stopped with that.

She is for sure protecting herself and her believes. Human psychology 101. She is misdirecting me too, I can see that. She feels vulnerable for sure and every time we discuss sth she is using dynamite to get away from me, to make me be the person that she wants to leave, for validation. Instead of helping to make this more livable she makes it worse so she can think "and that's why I want a D". But sometimes I got mysekf there, which is even better validation for her. So this needs to completely stop. I'm already much better about it which seems to make her even more angry...

To me this is mind blowing bc I have such a high emotional intelligence that I do t know if I could "trick" myself into believes like she does. As an observer this is very hard to watch. It hurts, disappoints. And for some ppl it will take years to realize, it'll take the same situation for them the other way around to realize, or they might never.


So ok I need a plan you said. What do you mean by that Mozza?

If you could become a narcissistic bast*rd who is only thinking of himself, gets his needs met without any concern for hers, she will start to see it.

Not too sure if that'll be beneficial lol. But it would be very interesting if I did. Bc she knows that's not me, so I wonder how her reaction would be.
But I'm rather a man only a fool would leave. Although I think I already am. Just not on the surface for her right now. But she'll get it one day...whenever that might be, I don't care. Or not, but someone else will.

[4mendmj]

Love the idea on volunteering...great idea and something I could involve d6 in...

[Sotto]

What about visiting older people in assisted living accommodation? My Mum has dementia and wow, her face just lights up when kids are around. I bet there are lovely older ladies and gents who would love to have their day brightened by your cute D. May be a bit of a flexible volunteering GAL too...