Hey Freddy. Your feelings are normal. I mean, who wouldnt feel badly that their spouse had an affair? Its a succky thing, right?
When all of this went down for me, man, did I feel unworthy. I felt small and insignificant. I felt a lot of other bad stuff, too.
So, I had to look within. I had to take the rose colored glasses off and roll up my sleeves.
I realized a few things that helped me grow back. There was nothing that I did or didnt do in my marriage that warrented what he did. Whatever I did or didnt do was not with the intent to cause harm to him or the relationship. That mattered to me.
You dont go from a loving marriage, albeit with issues as all of them have, to cheating on your spouse.The issues werent insurmountable. Not at all. So, if I put all of that together, I understood that it wasnt really about me.
It was about him. His unresolved stuff. His feelings of being less than.
Because the truth of it was that I was a good wife. I loved him. I had his back. I was honest and loyal and caring.
It wasnt a lacking in my that this happened, but, a lacking in him.
Your wife is broken, Freddy. You can see that, I know. You dont act as she did and as she if you arent.
But this journey we take isnt linear. It ebbs and flows. It goes up and down and around and back again.
The goal is to find your worth. That doesnt come from her. It comes from inside of you.
My mother and my xh told me and showed me that they thought I wasnt good enough. I found out they were wrong.
I did that by getting different mirrors. I watched how people reacted to me. How they were around me.
I became the person I was supposed to be. So that I knew I was worthy because of that.
That was the goal each day. Some days I made it. Some I didnt. But I strived to be that person until I was.
She doesnt get to determine your worth. She just doesnt.
She is a mess and is trying to figure out how to feel better. She is making poor choices in doing that.
Even though her actions are very hurtful, they arent reflective of who you are. They are reflective of who she is right now.
So, feel what you do and then find a way to let it go. Otherwise it weighs you down.
I know its hard to think about it all. Im sorry it is.
