...I had a man who was good to me, who loved me. And I let him feel neglected. I have so much regret. I'm not sure if he's going to come back. I think he's done. I'm terrified and I don't now how to move forward at all. I'm trying to be lighthearted around him, but I'm devastated.
My advice to you is to figure out how to emotionally calm yourself. Being upset will not help anything.
The MWDavis method is really pretty good. My observation is that people often try to do one of two things to repair a bad relationship.
The first is to do a lot more of what wasn't working in the first place. If a little is good a lot must be better, even if it doesn't work. That is where the whole idea of the MW Davis 180 is so great. That is why not pursuing and being casual works, because it is different. By changing yourself and acting differently, you are creating a situation where your husband has to look at you differently and treat you differently, hopefully in a way that make you feel better and heals your marriage. Not perfect, but better that keep hitting your head against the wall.
The second most commone mistake folks make is "play victim" and expect your mate to "save you" from your fate. That also doesn't really work after someone has reached a certain point in a realtionship. Again, the great part of the MW Davis plan on Getting A Life, doing things to improve yourself, is all designed to make sure you are not a victim but that you gain control of yourself and gain confidence, which is sexy.
In my opinion women have it easy when it comes to GAL. You can exercise (hit the gym or go for walks/runs (even with your kids), they can sign up for self improvement classes that will knock the socks off their husbands. For example, lets say you took a belly dancing class, a pole dancing class as exercise it would certainly change the image of you that your husband has. I mean he would probably see you in a whole different light and maybe wonder what he might be missing out on. Even if he never comes back, you will have done things to make you more comfortable with your body, more self confident, and be able to drop them in a conversation with the next man in your life, who might even be your husband.
Yes, change and loss of a relationship are terrible. You need to take charge of your life and make some changes in yourself.
Marriage counseling (with the right counselor) can also be very helpful and while costly, is a lot less expensive than the cost of two divorce attorneys.
Good luck.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
