This need not be the end.

[Barry]

Hi all, as always thanks for your replies.

So I've had a couple of sessions with my IC now, read DB and most of NMMNG. There's been big changes in me this week, even if not in my sitch.

I spoke to IC about the fact that NMMNG has really got me thinking about my life as a whole, who I am, and what it is I want. She commented that she could see and hear a change in me since last weeks session and said that I'm on a voyage of self discovery myself (which is exactly what W is on too).

Although my journey was forced upon me, maybe it's the wake up call I needed. As it stands, there's no change in my sitch in that W is seeing this S as permanent. I really haven't given it much thought this week though.

I needed a break from the worry of it all (maybe W needs to take a bit of this off me anyway!) so I went shopping one day and bought some clothes, some CD's, and a few other bits and pieces I thought I might like before but never got round to buying because I was so busy caretaking.

I've rested, eaten well, worked out in the evenings, been out with friends and made some new ones too...oh and I bought myself a sporty little car today too
(For those that don't know, I gave my S18 my car due to his giving up the ghost so I was without transport).

As I was looking for a car, I instinctively looked for family saloon cars or the "sensible" option. In the end, I went for whatever I thought was fun to drive, and just thought of what I wanted instead of what everyone else says or thinks.

I've had that attitude all week and it's liberating.

It's not a "sports car" but it is convertible and very sporty looking. It does definatly say fun though. The kids love it, my D15 asked me to take her to her Prom in it tonight

Here's one I DO mean Mozza...
W will be jealous which isn't my intention BUT if she is then so be it!

This week has been one of detachment for me. NC with W in a week and although the sitch is in my thoughts a lot of the time, the emotions have been different, less painful. I'm seeing things differently now. Although I do still want to R with my W, I've really been thinking about our R over the last 2 years and it's been so poor. We've both let and actively made it happen but only one of us has any interest in finding out is we even CAN be together.

I'm leaving things as they are at the moment. I'm getting on with what I want and enjoying spending some time with the kids. I've really hit a turning point I think.

I must admit that I'm still conscious that an OM BD could come at any time though so I won't get too comfortable.

Mozza, I'm still thinking about your questions and will post seperatly.

Keep smiling
Barry.