Quote: LL wrote: I'd like to ask if when you did feel "in love" with h, did you think that feeling would ever go away? And if we assume that you did feel that way at one time why can't we assume that with a little bit of effort (even if most is on h's part to begin with (he seems willing to jump through hoops after all) those feelings could come back again. As painful as it is to say that, why is it painful? I know it to be true. I'm sorry. who are you sorry for?
I knew that "in love" feeling would go away. I married him when I had already fallen out of love with him, but I went ahead because I figured it had to be a matter of time before I'd fall back in love. I figured I would heal over time. I was apologizing to my H.
Quote: LL wrote: I understand your feelings of his continuing to do it...so the last violation was the last straw? does the sentiment "hasn't healed yet." indicate a small ray of hope that you might be able to forgive? provided of course the violation does not ever occur again.
He hasn't done it since December and I believe it must have been the last straw. That led me to this web site... looking for hope; looking for support; answers. I "forgave" my H years ago. I would not have married him if I hadn't forgiven him or if I felt that he had intentionally done anything to hurt me. I knew he didn't mean to hurt me, and that is why I chose to overlook and block it out for so many years. That is why it was so easy for me to internalise it and claim it as my problem.
Quote: CeMar wrote: It takes forgiveness, and a couple that REALLY wants to work together to create a great marriage. Anyone can do it provided they set their minds to it 150%.
Agreed CeMar. Problem is, I was working on it 80% and H didn't realize he was only working 45%, or so, until the other day. He hadn't heard my pleas for help. He hadn't heard my love for him. He didn't realize that he was trying to keep me in his pocket and control me. He hadn't heard that he was pushing me away. He thought my lack of libido was something he had to correct with sexual stimulas rather than looking at the big picture, including himself.
