I met STBX at the local library yesterday for kid exchange. I think I've said this before - but there's always this moment of extreme dissonance when I see him. On the one hand - after years together he is so familiar and comfortable to me. My heart swells a little. And then he puts the kids in my car, gets back in to what is now his truck as he checks his phone for messages and drives home to the OW. And I feel so betrayed all over again.
For years when I have described STBX to people who don't know him, I always start off by saying he's such a good guy. And since BD, I've felt so foolish, because I missed so many red flags. I think I need to start accepting that he can be a good guy who still did a cr***y thing in a particularly cr***y way, because he's human and he's in some sort of crisis.
That doesn't make me feel a lot better about the decisions he has made - but it does give me hope that the future with him will be better, no matter what it looks like. Because.... he's the father of my children and that makes him family....for as long as we both shall live.
